angst

I cant waste my light for wretched ecstasy, there’s no time for me, I’m not infinite and I have responsibilities.

I’m not used to looking in reverted mirrors, this hypocrisy is not my destiny

it’s not my fortitude

poison apple, suffocating my thoughts away from me, it’s not my fortitude. I’m not used to this blasphemy burning my dreams

what horrors lie behind you

terrified over what may find me, terrified over what may surprise me, terrified over what may surpass me,

say no to me,

dissolve away

this is not my fortitude

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Days

But then again, you only live once…

So I will make the most of my days

It’s up to me to find all the ways

God gave me the keys to use them as I please

so please, I say to myself- do not let this consuming darkness

hover over my eyes

It blinds me with lies about myself

telling me my goals are baseless-

That I’m full of holes, so what I do is pointless

But the judgement is in the Future’s hands

Because Time well spent is what really matters,

-Not what I see now in what appears to be a fishless pond

Miracles do happen

And not at a price, except that

I, myself, be the science of it

until I reach the end of the summit

and be the one first to submit

in humility

as success is simply

the first step

in not being lazy

nor being bound to the haze

of all the craze

that seems to revolve

with ease

around your manifest effort

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Fine line in “That”

when we were kids
we used to tell each other
“I will never be like ‘that’”
We didn’t want to be shameless
seeing it from pure eyes, we saw what “that” really looked like

and now we’ve grown
and You’re exactly like “that”  nice n simple
And there seems to be nothing wrong with it
As for me,
I’m something worse- I’m in between
I’m both “this” and “that”

thus drifted             slightly  apart.

 

if and fate and fear

The word if

We may imagine ourselves making it through
Getting a degree and then making good money
Owning a home and then starting a family
With the happily ever after theme
But there’s one word that holds us back from achieving our dreams
From standing up to the crowd
About what’s right and wrong
Fighting for a better world
With peace and justice
And freedom
What if
I’m laughed at or don’t find love
Or become sick and
I fall into debt
What if I don’t get a job in this degree
Lose my friends
If my spouse turns into an abuser
And takes all my money
If my child becomes sick or I raise her alone
Or I vaccinate her and she gets autism
Lose my house and property, and all support
What if all my hopes come crushing down
To my feet
Begging me to dig myself a grave
Cursing me for being brave
Yet not trying hard enough
To escape fate

as long as you’re alive you can make things meaningful

doesn’t matter how or when just as long as you leave those ifs behind cuz bad things happen and it’s so you can do something about it and become who you Are as cheesy  and escalated as it sounds but die with dignity and with something to be proud of- which is you. Don’t let the bad things devour you to your death.