Nightmare II: War Crimes

My worst nightmare is seeing children crying

scared to death

from bombs and the burning toxic galore

of illegal war

destroying souls and more

celebrated by the world’s lovers of gore

as its broadcasted to the masses

that it’s the  water for your planted fears

that you’ve been taught for years

to kill others

who don’t look like you

 

women and children, and men alike

are bloodied and traumatized

dying and hospitalized

wondering when their hospitals

will be attacked too.

 

Palestine, Syria, these arab sisters are victims of war crimes

all under the guise of terrorism

as if creating rivers of blood will drown ISIS

giving in to the lust and playing with chemical attacks

and torturing civilians alive

It will earn the safe western public a medal… for war on terrorism

raping women

kidnapping children

torturing men

an arab genocide

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Nightmare 1- Society’s trend

My worst nightmare is being bullied and outcasted

My worst nightmare is becoming homeless, dropped as a beggar

getting locked up

My worst nightmare is getting murdered

Getting in debt

lots of debt, neo-slavery

Having no choice but resorting to theft

having  no morals left but bravery

just as scary, getting raped and knocked up

and after that, getting raped by society, – no justice

while my innocence is surrendered

and that bastard is praised for his gender

given his future, and kissed on his ass

this reality is all worse than murder

because it’s accepted

and takes away lives

in worse ways than murder

a slow death

emotions and humanity snatched

likened to less than an animal

what a nightmare we live in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Contemplation

Oh Allah I used to cry to you all the time
Until you dried my tears away
but then just as my eyes became dry
so did my heart
because when I’d moisten my eyes with my tears
so would my heart remain moist

and despite the tears of sadness
I’d find through the rivers
cooling streams
giving my reluctance security
giving my shyness integrity

yet, now I’m treading on my own path

using my imagination to lay down bricks

that make their turns on rifts

 

Oh Lord, turn these scorched roads

into meandering runoffs

that lead to secret gardens

and profused abodes

before my heart completely hardens

and becomes spitefully zesty with nothing more than

ugly scoffs

 

 

So I pray to my bewildernment
as I sit hear with my hands up high
begging for my eyes to never dry
lest these amateur paths my hands pry

crumble nigh without knowing why

 

 

Hypocrisy in all honesty

Tired of all the hypocrisy
Im happier to be alone
Because when I see the world in front of me
It all seems like doom and gloom
Where are all the good people
That know how to be true
True in their words
And genuine in their smiles
True on others’ worth
And humble in their trials

The world seems to be racing
Despite the universe  simply tracing
Back on their orbits
We spend our time stalking and pacing
Welling up our jealousy
As we silently, cruelly, fight each other to bits
Life has turned into a competition
A time that Darwin could only cry about
But there’s no proof needed anymore
When half of life is drowning in its own blood and dying in misery

aside from all the horror

I do believe there is an opening

a chance to find a haven

instead of being swept by my biased reckoning

because as long as the birds keep chirping

and the clouds keep raining

I do think

I can find the end to

my own meaning

 

With the Light of no source

behind the curtains
above these windows
with not a single star in sight
there gazes a certain light
belonging to no source
despite the thundering plight
ringing against my ears
bringing me to tears

I’m fighting for my sake
because my purpose is all I have
far away from the regular world
swarmed by the stories that are lived as untold
It’s not the material I desire to take
and rub it into my hands
pretending it won’t turn to dust
nor is it the lust
that bewitches hearts to rust

rather it’s what dries away my tears
the cool wind thriving through my years
guiding me to the light
I was sure was ever real
helping me see myself
above the petty things
that were grown with crooked wings
failing me to fly
to the greatest height of one’s sight
no
I see myself
above those petty things
grown with crooked wings
above the lavish
that seizes to quench the thirst of gluttonous eyes

I see myself rise,
not needing the sugar in the lies-

nor the endless tales in ties-

I see myself

going

towards the heaviest in size, succulent clouds
with rain drops
of no owner shared
ready to give
to that which is none unless paired

so here I am
behind these dark curtains
listening to the lightning
with no stars in sighting
having the one thing
that is the world’s most heightened
glory, with the wind keeping my secrets

to myself

Your Raj and his entourage

never make your secrets free for your foes to hear
lest the first thing be that you’re brought to your knees and instructed to fear
since silence is safer for your hopes to remain clear
than your own hands be used against your own garments to sheer
because others become queer when they see you as sharp as a Spear in a world they try to keep for themselves to steer
theyd  rather have you be below as a dainty little peer
and be furthest from near–
lost, looking for the treasures in a mirage
stuck at the rear of an hourglass
placed as the jewel on the taj of the friend you hold so dear
whose claimed himself Raj
and  imprisoned you as his forever entourage

Twas the demons in my head.

Sleep Paralysis

 

Having read my nightly prayers

I tidy up my covers and tuck in my teddy bears

In a matter of moments I slip into a soft sleep

No dreams this time, just a complete black out

a deep dark down hemisphere of bleakness

where time is but meaningless

My soul whirls around freely

until it’s grabbed by the unknown so fiercely

My senses and wits are slammed in me to bits

I’m awake and I scream hoping it’s a dream

but nay it’s all very real

in my own body’s ordeal

can’t blink or flinch

just think, as I beg my fingers to twitch

I’m not alone, my thoughts are swarming around me

Turning into great weights over my chest

a surreal degree on the sense of touch

Time is a millennium, sucked into 2  black holes of the 2 damned galaxies

in my  2 pupils which fail me

as I’m blind to this horrifying endearment on

making my body lifeless

Overpowering fear befalls through my ears

shrouding the inside of my skull

with the voiceless lull of paralyzing smog

Terminating my claim

to my body’s taming

Turning it into a game

on who gets to own me

as I lie on my bed

awake, alone, and lame

 

 

This used to happen to my every now and then a few years ago.  Stress doesn’t have much to do with it. Exhaustion, maybe.  Because it would happen to me even when I’m happy.

What would happen is I’m suddenly awake and extremely aware of everything, but I can’t move my body.  Sometimes I can’t open my eyes. But when I can, I still can’t move anything.  I’m still breathing but not heaving either, despite the intense fear and shock I’m feeling. To bring my muscles back into my “possession 😉 ” I start by trying to twitch my fingers and toes.  It would take time until I’m finally able to regain my body.  Honestly, I think the weight that people feel when suffering through sleep paralysis is probably the dead weight of their bodies- since they’re not able to move it.

I don’t know what the phenomenon is behind it but it’s hella scary.  I started sleeping with my mom cause I wanted somebody to be able to shake me out of it  ( even though i’m paralyzed so how can I communicate lol) and tell her exactly what would happen to me.

Some people relate these accounts to demons and jinns, or ghosts- whatever spiritual beings you refer to– I don’t think it’s true.  I’m a religious girl and I personally doubt a jinn would come to me- plus I’m not scared of jinns either.  Besides, not everything has to relate to jinns, people!  Lol they’re probably annoyed that people blame everything on them and they’re like wth I didnt even do anything.

Anyhow I decided to write this if anyone else feels like it.  I know Wikipedia certainly did- that’s where i found out the name of it when I googled my symptoms on it.