A threshold past the heavens

are you catching on
are you catching onto how each cloud reflects the sky in its own view
bringing color and form in every possible hue
are you catching onto how each cloud gives the sky purpose

and how the sky finds purpose with the clouds
and that we see the final scene
with all of it’s everlasting depth and beauty

are you catching onto how this scenery is the secret to all we yearn
that it’s all we need to learn
every breeze plows the clouds apart
fashioning each strobe most delicately through the horizon
there’s wisdom in every whispered wonder in whatever cloud that descends a little lower than usual

do you see the magnitude before your eyes
what is arrogance
what is pride
what is ownership
when that which is beyond us
is past our bewilderment

what little is left
but love
something we can acquire

a threshold of its own
a bridge that leads to further discovery
creating beauty from all the past and misery
as the sun sets away last of it’s days fusing light
to fall in love with the moon
and enlighten another path
that can only be seen in the night
and each star to twinkle us through time until we set again

and again, and again.

for us to find a reason to smile again,

and again.

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Patience in the past 

Sabr is knowing your value

And not giving up or giving in

It’s to believe that Allah is there for you

Regardless of what others claim your sin

Perhaps you have no control in this world

But you have the universe to call your friend

And those who have already reached their end

because although they are memories,  you remember them.

So remember their efforts in turbulence

And how they waited for droughts to sprout the sea

Or for shackles to be removed only to become king on a throne

You are witness to their stories and you are witness to your own

you have paths to follow from the past

And knowledge to understand your own

So be patient and be free

And keep climbing until you reach the other side

Because your real treasure lies in the shadows, beyond what any human can see

Immaterial heaven of my living self

I will wait in patience 

Until that which was unknown becomes apparent

And until prayers and destiny reach their verdict

 no rush, I’m happy as I am.
Unfortunately what’s best is that time be taken for clarity

For both cases to be solved and given their due burials

 And toss away our last living flowers of the past into it’s casket for cremation

After all, this ambiguity is well-wishing. Although it leaves huge gaping holes in my heart, I must accustom myself to the ice cool breeze willowing through this freshly carved cave

Perhaps one day it’ll become as magnificent and jeweled as the worlds oldest caves.

It’ll become my castle, my sanctuary of ever flowing hopes and dreams. Pure tears from the valley of my eyes, furnishing mirrored stalagmites of sincere desires.

Reflecting the years of sabr  

and dedication, and the serene streams of honesty meandering through and through.

This is my artwork, this is my treasure, which no eye has seen.

And it’s all carefully crafted by my patience, sincerity, and destiny.

This is the immaterial heaven of my living self.

The throne of my mind-palace. 

Jug of Milk

Adjacent vulnerability welling up my throat.

I saw in a full  clear jug of milk

fresh grass pile up and float

It was the mourning of my past

and my heart’s ill hope

that something for his future might just slope

This was the fresh grass, like a fresh cut

that polluted my jug

for my mourning and my cut would always rise up fresh

and ruin my morning drink

my afternoon drink

and my evening drink

and my night drink

to the point- that I would not think.

the sadness in my desires

for wholesome love to light my fires

spoiled my every drink

depriving me of pure happiness

and the pure willingness

to focus on God

thus leaving me flawed

 

Just like the grass in my milk

 

 

 

Looking for the Unborn

Why dwell on the past when the future guarantees your self-worth

Why live on moments that are not different than death

It’s happened and it’s gone

It’s forever away

and nothing more than a figment

or a nightmare

The reason is, you are never alone.

Those who are like you are hiding just the same

Living in the past

of shackles and thorns, bleeding away

distraught and cold

they hope to find the sunshine

in something already rotting

They dig to see if there may be something left,

unborn.

A plea that it may regain the light and bud into a new life

But everyone knows, the past is like the afterlife.

Just death and memories

Instead search for respite, come out of your graves

begin your quest for inner peace

there’s no telling what fortunes lie ahead

except that you are in control of the piece of flesh in your chest

that creates the line between you and your past

 

 

 

 

 

11th day of Ramadan 1437 The Intention

alright.. باسم الله الرحمان الرحيم

I was supposed to make daily reflections this Ramadan so I can get back on track to the way I used to be 3 years ago ( very punctual and timely  and spiritual etc)

Because now I’m barely gettin that spiritual iman-high back that I used to have like all the time…  especially in High school since I was always so upset over going to school. being a shy muslim n all.

But I think my problem really is the fact that I’m trying to be something from the past.

I’m somebody different now.  I’ve grown. I’ve seen marriage, gotten some college done, taken Islamic courses, learned a little bit of basic arabic.  I’m able to think more and reach better conclusions… (thinking positive, right?)

What I need to do is make a new picture of how I want myself to be.  To stop relating myself back to my 16 year old self.

I’ve gone through 2 years of serious learning (through marriage and diploma courses) and it’s taken a toll on me, but for the better.

My bestfreind grandpa sheikh-imam tells me I’ve matured and that I need to focus on further growing myself.

Now to grow myself spiritually again… I think I need to analyze something. What is spirituality? What is nearness to Allah swt?

 

It’s all about the intention. 

and my heart cries for it.  to be able to cry and make serious duas after every prayer the…(way I used to -shoot i referred to my past again)  to be in constant dhikr… to read a ton of Quran and listen to a ton of youtube lectures, etc.  I used to be able to recite on full volume 2 juz and be totally fine.  I mean I can still do that if I wanted to, but i’d get really tired if I did now..

The fact is that I’m trying and I want it.  though I may not feel it, I’ve learned that sometimes Allah tests us by Not having a sense of spirituality, but our jihad in trying is the faith itself.

that’s satisfying. I can only hope that that is how I’m doing.

my goals for Ramadan were to read lots of Quran but I don’t like reading plain Quran without understanding it. but It makes me feel bad when I spend nearly an hour trying to understand both by translation and grammar, and with meaning and reflection, and I get through 2 pages.. single sides.

but in sha Allah, I do hope that it’ll get better as time goes on.

cuz my new personal motto is to be AUTHENTIC.

I think I’ll write about that in another post…

but anyway.

so conclusion for tonights reflection and some last notes

-let go of how I used to be and focus on how I will be

– it’s all a matter of intention

-we can only keep trying

-everyone is different and their spiritual nearness to God and achieving that is unique and special.

  • simple goal of the night- since I can’t pray for now.. focus on doing lots of istighfar

be alive and connect to God the way you are today.  not by tryin to be the way you were yesterday . you will be a better person and your intention promises you that.