Sweetness in falling back

Doesn’t giving up sound sweet

The idea of being left idle

As you idealise the thought of falling off your feet 

Letting life flow 

Let me be closed minded for a little while

Let me sleep

Let me drown deep 

With my eyes closed 

And my heart at silent slow beats

Giving up

Letting go

For just a second

Naahh time to run the coffee maker cuz this girl has got to pass her exams

April fools. Lol

Twas the demons in my head.

Sleep Paralysis

 

Having read my nightly prayers

I tidy up my covers and tuck in my teddy bears

In a matter of moments I slip into a soft sleep

No dreams this time, just a complete black out

a deep dark down hemisphere of bleakness

where time is but meaningless

My soul whirls around freely

until it’s grabbed by the unknown so fiercely

My senses and wits are slammed in me to bits

I’m awake and I scream hoping it’s a dream

but nay it’s all very real

in my own body’s ordeal

can’t blink or flinch

just think, as I beg my fingers to twitch

I’m not alone, my thoughts are swarming around me

Turning into great weights over my chest

a surreal degree on the sense of touch

Time is a millennium, sucked into 2  black holes of the 2 damned galaxies

in my  2 pupils which fail me

as I’m blind to this horrifying endearment on

making my body lifeless

Overpowering fear befalls through my ears

shrouding the inside of my skull

with the voiceless lull of paralyzing smog

Terminating my claim

to my body’s taming

Turning it into a game

on who gets to own me

as I lie on my bed

awake, alone, and lame

 

 

This used to happen to my every now and then a few years ago.  Stress doesn’t have much to do with it. Exhaustion, maybe.  Because it would happen to me even when I’m happy.

What would happen is I’m suddenly awake and extremely aware of everything, but I can’t move my body.  Sometimes I can’t open my eyes. But when I can, I still can’t move anything.  I’m still breathing but not heaving either, despite the intense fear and shock I’m feeling. To bring my muscles back into my “possession 😉 ” I start by trying to twitch my fingers and toes.  It would take time until I’m finally able to regain my body.  Honestly, I think the weight that people feel when suffering through sleep paralysis is probably the dead weight of their bodies- since they’re not able to move it.

I don’t know what the phenomenon is behind it but it’s hella scary.  I started sleeping with my mom cause I wanted somebody to be able to shake me out of it  ( even though i’m paralyzed so how can I communicate lol) and tell her exactly what would happen to me.

Some people relate these accounts to demons and jinns, or ghosts- whatever spiritual beings you refer to– I don’t think it’s true.  I’m a religious girl and I personally doubt a jinn would come to me- plus I’m not scared of jinns either.  Besides, not everything has to relate to jinns, people!  Lol they’re probably annoyed that people blame everything on them and they’re like wth I didnt even do anything.

Anyhow I decided to write this if anyone else feels like it.  I know Wikipedia certainly did- that’s where i found out the name of it when I googled my symptoms on it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

To Be in a Barren Meadow

 when all  at stake seems dreary and steep
and  asks you to take a daring blind  Leap
promising you to be free before the shadows scavenge and creep

It’s at times like these when one wishes to sleep,
to simply drift away, beyond the begotten deep

and have no meek thoughts to eerily keep

nor a shaken heart to grimly weep

except remain lost and unmoving,

in a bleak meadow with nothing
to spitefully reap