Deserved

blooming with glee

freedom is near

how can’t you hear

the voice of the sea

 

folding into itself yet expanding over the horizon

it’s not just a dream it’s everything above real

where upon the wind travels with you

and the galaxies lead the way

the curves that surround you are what keep you at bay

 

all tied with affinity

no sign of disarray

eyes, clear

and the hearts, sound

 

is this forever? is there another side

where obstacles are bound?

how far can the strides go

without finding a foe

a glimpse of danger

or the fears of peers

 

is there anything stranger

than nonchalance,

crowned?

 

 

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The eyes of free will

It’s amazing how as children we see the world so purely, everything becomes meaningful, even the tone of a parent makes the biggest difference. seeing the world through emotion and reading through the language of emotional value. whereas as we get older symbols and definitions become the foundation of our thinking, tainting our views and limiting the possibilities that a child may see.

13th of Ramadan 1437

http://www.alim.org/library/quran/AlQuran-tafsir/TIK/7/94

A Quran Reflection  ❤

SubhanAllahh there’s definitely something deep going on in surah araaf from, the stories of the previous prophets being denied resulting in destruction, and then to these ayahs 94 and 95.

I think there’s defnitely something I can infer regarding the psychology of a person, where he begins to think it’s totally normal for hardship and ease come together hand in hand.  Hardship and ease are both times of serious contemplation for a believer!  It’s not something for people to hold hands through and close their eyes till it’s over.

or enjoy until it’s over.

When the heart becomes dull to the الحسنة and thinks of it as nothing but a part of mother nature.  oh it happened in the past and it’s gonna happen in the future. nothing more to think of it.

For me, this is a spot for serious dua time.  To ask Allah to be extrememly mindful and thankful at times of ease and الحسنة and extremely careful and mindful and even thankful of course during times of hardship.

Relating these ayahs to my personal life. It scares me the most to see everything going SO well al humdulillah.  I have to compete with all the good things coming my way.  I feel like I really need to put in the effort (the same kind you do for finals- that kind of effort-) to please Allah swt and be thankful, and make duas.

To help other people and to fight to prove your thankfulness.

What I mean by fight is to take a serious position as if it’s my duty to be thankful.

and use my time like it’s life.  astaghfirullah. cuz that’s something I don’t really do.  But it really is time for me to tighten my belt up (as I think the prophet S would say) and be serious

besides, before ayahs 94 and the ayahs of the prophets,

around ayahs 50

وَلَا تُفْسِدُوا فِي الْأَرْضِ بَعْدَ إِصْلَاحِهَا وَادْعُوهُ خَوْفًا وَطَمَعًا ۚ إِنَّ رَحْمَتَ اللَّـهِ قَرِيبٌ مِّنَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ ﴿٥٦

I’m not making tafseer here, it’s just me connecting the ayahs to me so I can remeber and practice them. iA

Allah swt already told us to call upon him with legitimacy and urgency

cuz what else is خوف?  a person is direly serious when he’s scared and calling upon God.  A person is scared when he’s in a condition like this:

Man Survives 60 Hours Under Water In Sunken Ship

460x

this guy was submerged for 60 days under water only alive because of a bubble because of science because of Allah.

I’ll never forget this story man.. subhanallah, I still think about it every now and then.

anyway.. what is طمع ?

here’s my 4 year old giant handy dandy dictionary!!  ( i was popular for carrying it and using it every day and everywhere at Bayyinah since it was so HUGE and  fat and mighty)

tama

 

The Quran dictionary on ejtaal says it means to call upon him with fear and hope, where tam3 means hope, but it’s interesting to plug in all the other words as well,

cuz when you crave or desire something so bad, you feel as though that thing is a part of you and without it you are incomplete, thus you vehemently crave and desire it.  (like for chocolate for ex. just kidding)

and so in this case it’ll be like calling upon Allah swt is so necessary to you and what you are pleading him for is so direly needed.. without it you are just a mess and you need it…

NOT MAKING UP TAFSIR HERE

anyway, about all these words in the Quran.. these words are alive.  they penetrate you and hit you deep because they refer to something very real about you and your humanness.  they aren’t just words that you pick up from shakespeare or something and forget about it because they don’t mean much for you

The words are all particularly chosen because they give a very fitting meaning for every reader and follower..

anyway now I’m just gonna do some serious dua and try to make myself more serious about practicing my deen.

 

here’s the link to ejtaal and the word tam3:

http://ejtaal.net/aa/#hw4=679,ll=1970,ls=5,la=2704,sg=664,ha=450,pr=99,vi=244,mgf=559,mr=390,mn=866,aan=368,kz=1510,ulq=1146,uqa=268,uqw=1016,umr=664,ums=559,umj=501,uqq=215,bdw=564,amr=399,asb=612,auh=968,dhq=344,mht=561,msb=150,tla=69,amj=494,ens=1004,mis=1355

 

 

 

11th day of Ramadan 1437 The Intention

alright.. باسم الله الرحمان الرحيم

I was supposed to make daily reflections this Ramadan so I can get back on track to the way I used to be 3 years ago ( very punctual and timely  and spiritual etc)

Because now I’m barely gettin that spiritual iman-high back that I used to have like all the time…  especially in High school since I was always so upset over going to school. being a shy muslim n all.

But I think my problem really is the fact that I’m trying to be something from the past.

I’m somebody different now.  I’ve grown. I’ve seen marriage, gotten some college done, taken Islamic courses, learned a little bit of basic arabic.  I’m able to think more and reach better conclusions… (thinking positive, right?)

What I need to do is make a new picture of how I want myself to be.  To stop relating myself back to my 16 year old self.

I’ve gone through 2 years of serious learning (through marriage and diploma courses) and it’s taken a toll on me, but for the better.

My bestfreind grandpa sheikh-imam tells me I’ve matured and that I need to focus on further growing myself.

Now to grow myself spiritually again… I think I need to analyze something. What is spirituality? What is nearness to Allah swt?

 

It’s all about the intention. 

and my heart cries for it.  to be able to cry and make serious duas after every prayer the…(way I used to -shoot i referred to my past again)  to be in constant dhikr… to read a ton of Quran and listen to a ton of youtube lectures, etc.  I used to be able to recite on full volume 2 juz and be totally fine.  I mean I can still do that if I wanted to, but i’d get really tired if I did now..

The fact is that I’m trying and I want it.  though I may not feel it, I’ve learned that sometimes Allah tests us by Not having a sense of spirituality, but our jihad in trying is the faith itself.

that’s satisfying. I can only hope that that is how I’m doing.

my goals for Ramadan were to read lots of Quran but I don’t like reading plain Quran without understanding it. but It makes me feel bad when I spend nearly an hour trying to understand both by translation and grammar, and with meaning and reflection, and I get through 2 pages.. single sides.

but in sha Allah, I do hope that it’ll get better as time goes on.

cuz my new personal motto is to be AUTHENTIC.

I think I’ll write about that in another post…

but anyway.

so conclusion for tonights reflection and some last notes

-let go of how I used to be and focus on how I will be

– it’s all a matter of intention

-we can only keep trying

-everyone is different and their spiritual nearness to God and achieving that is unique and special.

  • simple goal of the night- since I can’t pray for now.. focus on doing lots of istighfar

be alive and connect to God the way you are today.  not by tryin to be the way you were yesterday . you will be a better person and your intention promises you that. 

 

Chase the cold

The cold
Never felt so good before
How it strokes me
From head to toe
whispering to me
                that I’m not alone

The cold
How come no one told me
That I could feel at home again
as it sits beside me
and let me feel
        that the world is far away

It’s a chance to escape
to forget the pain
that burns inside

The cold
It’s my witness
my friend of the other side
some kneel of its fiery
some fly with its embrace

But I’m draped in
                                   its lace

 

 

Why does this remind me of Frozen and the Ice Queen XD well anyway, I did write this in the winter

 

 

Empty

open and empty

except with desires a-plenty
for camaraderie and friendship

it’s the strange shadow of freedom
that lurks before me
the lack of responsibility
except for my own necessity
of setting my ship
so I can set sail

empty?

I’m the captain to my board
but also the sailor for my ship

sailing to discover new places
adventures and scary endeavors
churning through waves
exploring secret caves

and yet I come back
to look into my mirror
and
feel empty?

my reflection says Hello
But who says “How do you do?’
to whom I reply, “fine, and you?”

My reflection gives a smile
an evidence to a heart
but it beats only to its self

and flutters to its own art

art for which there is only one color ink
a single pen in a single hand
of course with surprises
but sometimes, in a sense, bland

and empty
and of course there is no wrong
there’s satisfaction in every self-made intricacy
and jitter in every self-made mistake
and even glitter in the ones that aren’t my fault

drawn are the wings of gratitude
that flew my humility to the sky
fearing no other
and forgiving those low intentions

my art is drawn on a single slate

but waits for another color
to pair the single strides
of every sail and stroke
until it can finally discover
the other side
where it’ll find the missing scribbles

to complete the art
and make it full
and give a new reflection
that faces another direction
eagerly waiting
to sail this other sea
with full conviction