Is Past to Blame?

Tell me, how am I supposed to feel

When all I get are crazy things to hear

my childhood was full of fights and nights of tears

I grew up shy with no words to ever say

I’ve never had no friends and today it’s still the same.

And now I’m always afraid of what move to make.

I feel like I’m stuck- I’ve lost from the beginning

Maybe it’s fate, or maybe I’m sinning.

I was never free, despite what it appears to be

But I’ve held onto faith and smile for hope.

I know I’m alone, but from above there’s a rope

for me to climb up, and let all else go-

ignore what’s happening, and keep writing

my list of wishes,

like how I wish someone would do the dishes-

I still struggle to live as life should be

But maybe one day, I’ll live as me

With a tough past, but free of grief.

and maybe I’ll finally write

when I’m not sad, but happy.

 

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Run Away to Heaven

Run away to heaven

leave everything behind

even the things that made you happy,

because it will all weigh you down.

Run away to heaven.

The trek is only so long.

So be patient as you sprint

and take deep breathes

as you sprint along.

 

But I’m running to my grave.

I don’t know at which age I’ll reach it.

It worries me that I’ll make mistakes,

even as I divorce the world.

If I’m running to my grave,

which is in all directions,

whichever I face, does it make a difference-

whatever decision I make?

A world through beauty

It’s because you aren’t perfect and you cry because you know it

But then when they tell you you’re beautiful enough times

you start to believe it..

and then you see it.

And seeing your own beauty is like gazing into another world. Because your view of the world changes when you see it through your beauty. A beauty that you believe in.

and thus you believe in the world that you now tread in.

and happily live in it because you are now in it.

 

 

Science of Shame

It’s shame we seek to understand

But we’re too ashamed

Of societal reprimand

So we go on forward

Ignoring it until it burns a hole

Forgetting that shame

Is a chemical

And can become lethal

When mixed with the heat

Of ego

Until it explodes

And harms others more

Than it harmed you

Wishful thinking

Why do we keep dreaming knowing it’ll never be

No expectations yet holding these wishes to a higher degree

Walking around with thoughts whirling round and round turning the world upside down

From limitless skies and otherworldly realms to dark dreary days serving as the graveyard of fun, folly, and plays

Like life and death itself

The end of a wishful thought is a death where the steady stream of hope and happiness comes to a sudden stop

And suddenly,  the heart feels old and fattened

Like it’s been overfed with scrumptious fats but no energy nor real benefit comes

Except that its joy was only as long as it lasted, and suddenly it left like a parasite,

Leaving the body like burdened baggage.

Are these dreams ravenous parasites?

Sirens of the imagination, mystifying you until you catch your breath

And fall back onto your feet

With reality speeding past you with a steady momentum

Is this when thoughts become things, and reveal their true nature?

That indeed, you’re not worthy of such imageries, rather let it be enough that you can even witness a mirage