How long

For how long will my father be stolen from me

For how long will I be bereaved of my king

For how long will I only retain memory of his kindness, and let my eyes be soaked with sadness

My father, my provider, the most well-meaning being I know

raising me with nothing but hugs and kisses

showing me his love for animals and bird houses

teaching me to speak well, and love.

growing up, I had only tried to care for him

but his mental illness, his simplicity for life had abducted me from security.

I grew up with little integrity and dignity

Hiding from the embarrassment

that my father cannot be seen as normal.

From birth, to even now a past marriage, he is still not mine yet

He’s still away from me.

He’s close in my heart

but these years have me distraught.

22 years, and i’m still struggling to give him the best

to give the best of what any father deserves

which is why it kills me that

the only rest he can really have

is his final one

and nobody else can see that but us.

it is all invisible

 

I am human, but I love.

Show me kindness

Move my heart

I am a coward

Who has not yet flowered.

Am I brave enough to breath through black smoke of the fire in my ties,

maybe so.

and I am a coward.

Look at me with more than just your eyes

I am a coward, but when the moment strikes I’ll reel though the heat of midday summer without surrendering.

I won’t give up from losing, I won’t stoop low if I reach my prime

but I’ll remain a coward,

with sometimes courage, sometimes strength,

and sometimes fear.

show me kindness

move my heart

for you,

I’ll stand for you, dear.

A universe in yourself

Beautiful, benign, and benevolent

graceful, divine, and genuine

Flaws and all, you’re a concoction of perfection

the cosmic radiance in each beat of your heart

the endless galaxies in your eyes that can see more than art

Your life, your wishful soul- a personality that none other can capture

All that lulls and dulls, it’s just the ingredients for you to retain claim of yourself

Forgetful, messy,

quirky and dressy

These are your traits that help you be free.

We are all games for ourselves, we’re all perfect in who we are

it’s just that we must keep up with these traits

and continue to discover what else is in our plates.

As we open more gates and face our fates

it’s then that our turn is ours to roll

the dice  that is in our own control

it’s our choice to remain perfect

and it’s our choice to regress in defect

So what will it be?  Mark a tally of hate on our slate

or a mark of congruence and continuation

in our growth and perfect

creation?

 

 

 

 

Tethering Scars

lend your broken hand for it’ll become whole faster

since there is no better healing

then to give your heart to those

who’ve been rigged from feeling

 

Become the open arms

that everyone refused to you

so you’ll know that you’re worth the while

than what the past

lies to be true

 

Charge at your trial with dominance

and you’ll love and cherish the moments that pass by

For without them, you won’t hear yourself cry

in gratitude

 

Birth to Trust

Trust. The most expensive and strangest thing in the world.
Once you lose it, it could take a lifetime to get back.
Its strange because it can be easy to gain
And make you the richest of all
But when it’s hard,
You really have to dig deep to find it.

But the question is… How do you get it? How does it come to exist?
Its the most integral part of relationships, yet the most unique thing to create
Is time the x chromosome? Then what is its y chromosome for it to be created?
Time and patience
Love and sincerity
I don’t know

The birth of our precious trust
How does the village raise it, if you must
And protect it from swarming disgust

Or even before the betrayal the lies and deceit
That destroys its little heart’s  two toned beat
How do you keep it sweet
With the nectar of all that is good
So we can savor all that it should

How do you make it grow
Amidst the sabotage and greed
And the fire of each evil dead

To keep it safe from the distractions and confusion
From the dark actions blurring our  profusion

How can we make trust see

That it belongs to both you and me

With love and utmost sincerity