An Answer (a cycle of victim-blaming)

Finally gotten the opportunity to find an answer

But before receiving an answer, there has to be a question

How can there be a question if the problem can’t be named

The problem appears invisible, as you’re the only witness

It’s hard to prove the facts when you’re the only evidence

As the evidence is you, unchanged, unmoved, still in place, frozen in a state of permanence

the problem appears to be you

Questions are refuted to you

You are the fault

So now take the salt

Answer the question

that you brought into creation

Because you’re the one who complained

You’re the one who cried

you’re the one who stood apart

so face this disgrace and comply

for trying to escape your space

stand back in place

the ace is in my hand

i’m the one in command

A universe in yourself

Beautiful, benign, and benevolent

graceful, divine, and genuine

Flaws and all, you’re a concoction of perfection

the cosmic radiance in each beat of your heart

the endless galaxies in your eyes that can see more than art

Your life, your wishful soul- a personality that none other can capture

All that lulls and dulls, it’s just the ingredients for you to retain claim of yourself

Forgetful, messy,

quirky and dressy

These are your traits that help you be free.

We are all games for ourselves, we’re all perfect in who we are

it’s just that we must keep up with these traits

and continue to discover what else is in our plates.

As we open more gates and face our fates

it’s then that our turn is ours to roll

the dice  that is in our own control

it’s our choice to remain perfect

and it’s our choice to regress in defect

So what will it be?  Mark a tally of hate on our slate

or a mark of congruence and continuation

in our growth and perfect

creation?

 

 

 

 

resilience and tea

just had a sob attack.  an angry teary hangry attack. a half eaten brownie that was for me, triggered it (i was looking forward to it the whole night to have it for bf). I still have to go through my divorce thing and i have to find the right lawyer.  If i could, if I can, I’d get him deported. but it’s not worth the waste of money.  So in my delirious outburst of anger I wrote myself this thing

By God’s mercy

I refuse to let words hurt me
I refuse to let circumstances stop me
I refuse to fall hopeless
I refuse to let my weaknesses detain me
I refuse to fall victim to emotions
I refuse to let people’s abuse consume me
I refuse to let mindsets and corruption make me give up
I refuse to sit down and sob
I refuse to give in
I refuse to stop

By God’s mercy

I refuse to stop.

So then I made my mom a cup of tea.  cuz I left the kettle on as i was balling away

By God’s mercy, the tea saved me from my utter drop.

 

I can. speak

Was I ever in control- wwas I ever in control
when my mouth slips and slurs
when my brain forgets the words
despite my heart knowing exactly which grain of sand
I’m trying to put into another’s hand —
the pain of ushering rush, tongue tied
tight in knots, I know which grain I want to lift up to share, exactly which angle I want the sun’s light to glint and glare, as you wait n stare
What is it that makes me stop and sputter a stutter?  I’m stammering as I’m hammering my thoughts to bring out the diamonds the sapphires the emeralds but lifting the jewels with
Buttered fingers, blushed cheeks
apologetic smile, flushed stiff
cold sweat and jittering streaks I used to stuff toilet paper under my armpits to hide the overwhelming feeling of my feeling like a freak, an adult who doesnt know how to speak–

Nervous and frail I hear my noise..  I say I do know poise,

I do not have my tail between my legs, But this twist and whirling zoom is not tamed on a leash,
How much can I beg myself my self to OWN my self and find the word I know exists, the meaning I know matters the feeling I know is real, and even when that word comes out of the treasure chest I dug out of the marked X that I placed, the one whom I’m in command of- my tongue- decides to hide or my lips miss the signal that it’s time to dismiss another message to the listener I hoped to entertain with my play, my lines, my words, my simple auditory communication,.. now I wonder was I ever in

control

when I became shy and couldn’t say

why

Self-Approval

when will she break open and be free
where her only fear is to not sail the seven seas
how dull and frail she is right now not showing any dignity

stick to your morals I say!
there’s nothing to lose

but nay
she only sways away

I don’t know how to practice those morals
what if I do wrong when I intend right
what if I fail and ..

—And what if you don’t??
there’s no fright I say !
do wrong ! be wronged ! there’s victory in every way

stop your self-menace, allow yourself to accept ur soul

you are you and stuck with it all
so embrace yourself and treat it like a child
care for it like you care for your own
because you yourself
are your own

but by being ur own you’ve earned me and him and her and them
you have friends from being urself
isn’t that enough proof that you can be free and strong?

Go. Leave. break away from your protective armor that blocks ur very sight and oxygen.

let your self live and feel the earth through your fingers. you have nothing to lose but urself from this world

Apocalyptic Mind

 

 

Courage, Kindness, Forgiveness
These precious gifts to humanity

Faith, Love, Sacrifice
Have we given these up for vanity?

Humility, Respect, Justice
Has greed contaminated our sanity?

Our eyes see none but ourselves
as giving is really a question of receiving

Bounties and blessings fermented into a toxic wine
searing our hearts into the ash of swine
tongues longer than the serpent’s life
devouring all in it’s dark midnight slither
lest the prey wither away

Now as innocence is the fading wisp of sweet incense
Its a fortune to guard and protect against the
suffocating bellows of tornadoes ablaze
on the land of the free

or so you thought

locked under industrial slave-ships of captain Greed-
these plains which we birth our future unto-
waned,
depleted of their right to reign
with forestry and mothering shelter, freedom,
abundance-
no its been traded
no it’s been stolen for relish
too hyper, too eager to wait to
dance on the throne of one only parish

Nightmare 1- Society’s trend

My worst nightmare is being bullied and outcasted

My worst nightmare is becoming homeless, dropped as a beggar

getting locked up

My worst nightmare is getting murdered

Getting in debt

lots of debt, neo-slavery

Having no choice but resorting to theft

having  no morals left but bravery

just as scary, getting raped and knocked up

and after that, getting raped by society, – no justice

while my innocence is surrendered

and that bastard is praised for his gender

given his future, and kissed on his ass

this reality is all worse than murder

because it’s accepted

and takes away lives

in worse ways than murder

a slow death

emotions and humanity snatched

likened to less than an animal

what a nightmare we live in.