I am human, but I love.

Show me kindness

Move my heart

I am a coward

Who has not yet flowered.

Am I brave enough to breath through black smoke of the fire in my ties,

maybe so.

and I am a coward.

Look at me with more than just your eyes

I am a coward, but when the moment strikes I’ll reel though the heat of midday summer without surrendering.

I won’t give up from losing, I won’t stoop low if I reach my prime

but I’ll remain a coward,

with sometimes courage, sometimes strength,

and sometimes fear.

show me kindness

move my heart

for you,

I’ll stand for you, dear.

if and fate and fear

The word if

We may imagine ourselves making it through
Getting a degree and then making good money
Owning a home and then starting a family
With the happily ever after theme
But there’s one word that holds us back from achieving our dreams
From standing up to the crowd
About what’s right and wrong
Fighting for a better world
With peace and justice
And freedom
What if
I’m laughed at or don’t find love
Or become sick and
I fall into debt
What if I don’t get a job in this degree
Lose my friends
If my spouse turns into an abuser
And takes all my money
If my child becomes sick or I raise her alone
Or I vaccinate her and she gets autism
Lose my house and property, and all support
What if all my hopes come crushing down
To my feet
Begging me to dig myself a grave
Cursing me for being brave
Yet not trying hard enough
To escape fate

as long as you’re alive you can make things meaningful

doesn’t matter how or when just as long as you leave those ifs behind cuz bad things happen and it’s so you can do something about it and become who you Are as cheesy  and escalated as it sounds but die with dignity and with something to be proud of- which is you. Don’t let the bad things devour you to your death.

Your hidden savior

Trapped deep in the dungeons of your mind
You look up at the gaping window of sustenance
In hope that something– somebody will know you are there, alone, and voiceless.
Expecting someone to hold their hand down
Despite you knowing this is no fairy tale
There isn’t a magical prince to save the damsel in regress of her own distress.

Deep amidst your thoughts of anxiety
Suddenly a suffocating steam erupts,  rising above your ankles
Fear strikes your heart
The prickling heat is climbing up your body
Fear
The pulse hits your heart again

This utter fear, it’s as if a shard of glass has been removed from your eyes
your blurred vision clears for a split second of another sharp pulse
you see a rusty chair sitting near
The touch of turmoil having reached your chest
You scramble to the chair in desperation

through the steam of despair
Escaping death
As you climb out the window
Realizing the sustenance was in you from the beginning.

To Be in a Barren Meadow

 when all  at stake seems dreary and steep
and  asks you to take a daring blind  Leap
promising you to be free before the shadows scavenge and creep

It’s at times like these when one wishes to sleep,
to simply drift away, beyond the begotten deep

and have no meek thoughts to eerily keep

nor a shaken heart to grimly weep

except remain lost and unmoving,

in a bleak meadow with nothing
to spitefully reap

When the future scowls

I don’t know what my future holds

but I’m scared of the hot coals ahead of me,

despite the breeze of flower beds that surround me.

 

I’m aware there’s a rope to swing me high

whenever I feel furthest from the sky

but to still be blind but not deaf

to the things that will come around

is frightening in the least.

Considering that I’m not  one innocent, ever.

 

a blessing in disguise

or a test to become wise

all I can do is use my gilt ridden hands and beseech

Because I’m not

very clever.

Rotten Gold Fruit

I have faith in God

But do I have faith in myself?

 

Blind faith in something other than yourself sounds so much easier

Because you’ve felt it around you.  The supernatural waves of things working out on their own.  Just as you watch a flower unravel through its tight petals.

You believe that it’ll bloom… because it’s not you who’s doing the blooming for it.

Now faith in yourself… it takes so much more work.

Because you’ve seen yourself afraid, weak, and different. Struggling and even losing.  Falling behind or making mistakes.

Seeing progress through your own work seems nearly impossible.  more like a fairy-tale that’s meant not to ever happen.

Or is it just an extremely hidden case of laziness.  The boss level of overcoming laziness?

Or is it fear?

Or is faith in yourself really the final part of having faith in God?

The ultimate faith where you believe God is with you in every step you lift your leg up for, with every word you think you way through- that God is there helping you all the way, even when he allows you to fall?

Perhaps it’s fear that trumps over faith and limits it’s work by nearly putting it behind bars.  Fear of falling- because the world says its bad.

But how many times has falling lead to success?

and how many different definitions of success have people lived.  The kinds are infinite.

Because Sirat al Mustaqeem is a wide path.  With many intricacies made special for every individual who walks upon it.

And when a rotten fruit of fear falls upon your path… you immediately grab it, for its gold-leaf disguise is so alluring.  thinking you may settle down with that fruit only to be surprised that its flesh is anything other than the sweetness of a real fruit.

Those who are wise know that real gold fruit don’t come upon our paths except that we must climb our way for them.

Because when a rotten fruit falls on our path, it’s there to stop us from going further.  we’re seduced into its golden skin and decide to settle down. only to become sick from it.

basically what i’m saying is that I feel like fear is an easy way out and we accept fear because it’s an excuse for not moving forward.  not doing the hardwork.

It’s got the gold skin/rind because we let ourselves think that this is it– no need to move forward.  it’s seductive in making us think we don’t need to climb our tree anymore.