Qualities you should focus on growing into your children:
- Tahara
- Ikhbat
- Samaha
- Adaala
Physical Growth
Mental Growth
- Teach your children that the value of everything is based on Labor. If you want to achieve something, you have to work hard. DO IT
- Nothing comes by wishing dreaming and lying down
- Teach them how important things are that they need to achieve them, nurture their WILL
- Teaching according to THEIR understanding
- Teach them their WILL and then How to do it (ACTION)
- Don’t let them think you are forcing them.
- Teach them that they have their own will.
Plan out how to make the point or action dear to your child. You’re a teacher, you have to prepare and know things yourself
Use your mind, body, and heart the way its supposed to be, the right way. Teach them the same
Make them healthy and physically strong. Make them handle hard work without tiring quickly.
Prophet S emphasized Archery, horse riding, and swimming. But he added that archery is more beloved to him.
Command them to jump onto the back of the horses. Don’t walk with your head lowered. Walk like a young person whose strong and valiant.
Anything that doesn’t contain Allah’s name is useless except for 4 things.
- Learning with sword (sport)
- Training and looking after horses
- Men and Women’s enjoyment together
- Swimming
Games where you just sit in front of a screen and use fingers isn’t good for them.
There are so many other ways to make play. It’s harmful to children who play with screens.
Companionship:
Being alone is better than bad company and good company is better than being alone.
Everyone is on the religion of their friend, so look at who your friends are.
Mental growth:
intellectual growing, nurturing a good mind. Develop thinking in your child so that they don’t simply copy other children at school.
Make them think why other children are doing the things they are and the consequence or benefit of it.
Don’t look at things with the eye of tradition, culture, parents, customs, DESIRE, etc.
If people don’t think properly, they’ll look at everything with the intention of desire.
Iqbal said “If people don’t think properly, then all the slogan of freedom and doing whatever you want, it makes people into animals. ”
Question everything you do, because everything has a result.
Stupid people learn after doing things, but wise people see things before it happens or doing them.
Wise people see that life is a dream now, idiots will realize that after they die.
Teach kids to know things before the end. So they can make the decision while they still can.
Looking at consequences actually makes the mind sharper and smarter.
Always think, what will you get from doing this or that.
Life isn’t about eating, drinking, and sleeping. It makes the person weak mentally and physically.
Tahaara:
Making the mind, body, heart, everything pure from filth.
Secular education has no tahara at all.
“Western civilization is a corruption of heart and the mind because the whole civilization has no purity”
Teach kids how to clean themselves with water and toiletpaper.
WUDU- cleans the mind, heart, and body. teach them how to maintain in wudu all the time.
Teach them how to bathe and ghusl without wasting water.
Cutting nails every week.
Teach them to cut their hair in an equal way,t he way the prophet S taught.
For boys, trim the mustache.
Men and women- remove hair from privates and underarms. should be cleaned every week.
Part of purity is proper covering.
Make sure children even as young as 4 and 5, to not go naked in front of other people.
Navel to knees is the overall private area for boys.
Teach girls from the beginning that they have to cover everything with lose clothing except for face, hands, and feet.
Keep a difference between girls and boys clothes. So they know their identity and realize the differences. Dont let them copy other people in their attire.
Mens clothes should be simple, not attractive and designy like women’s clothes.
Women should put a jilbab over their fancy clothes when in public.
Separate children in bed after 7-10 years old, nor allow them to accompany cousins of opposite gender alone.
EATING & DRINKING
Let them know that they don’t get things just because they desire it. Teach them to control their desires. Train them to not become greedy and know that they don’t get things just for wishing for them.
Teach them to not fill their stomach until they’re full.
Nobody has filled any container worse than the stomach.
1/3 food 1/3 drink 1/3 air
Teach them that if they fill themselves, they’ll be like animals.
Teach children the manners of eating and drinking, share, eat with right hand and from the nearer side of the plate.
Teaching them to be pure from bad character like lying, etc.
PURITY OF MIND & HEART
keep them safe from music, TV, Internet, Singing, Dancing
music doesnt create a real mood, it’s because it makes you dance and jump. It’s an external thing. Allah wants our movements and intentions to be internal, not from external forces.
no smoking. waste of money and harm of health
Zina- can happen with eye, touching, and then real zina. it stops us from being believers. and once we start, it’s hard to get out of it. it corrupts society too. teach them from surah noor, ahzab, yusuf. purity from all the heart, body, mind, health- everything goes.
Any relation outside of marriage is haraam and is never allowed.
Ikhbaat
worshiping your lord with full humility and maintaining faith in Allah.
create the fear of Allah, make their hearts see Allah
Teach them zuhd. “i knew that nobody can take my provision so I became content, and I knew that nobody can do my work, so i do it, and I also know that Allah sees me, so I don’t like doing things in front of him, I also know that I will die, so I prepare for it”
If a child says I want success, tell them to pray, that they read Quran, Dhikr, Zakat, Hajj, etc Allah will reward you and that is success. teach them that you have to do your work.
it’s a need. teach them the importance of the Quran and how there’s no book equal to it.
Quran doesnt need evidence, it is the argument itself. There’s no argument stronger than saying that this is from Allah. respect everything from the Quran. Teach them love of Quran.
After Fajr prayer, have them sit with you and talk about the Quran for 10 minutes or so.
DO Fajr together or study Quran together. It lights up the whole house and angels come. The mercy of Allah increases. Teach them dhikr and everything.
Create the love of prayer and never compromise it. even if they aren’t feeling well. it should never be missed by the parent nor the child. Make them feel it’s more important than anything.
AT THE MASJID
Even if children are running jumping playing and making noise, it’s okay but even that itself is learning for them. It’s the masjid, it’s Allah’s house, they should feel at home there and feel the greatness of praying there and seeing all the adults praying so keenly.
3) SAMAAHA
bravery, generosity, patience, steadfastness, haya and modesty
don’t teach them to live with ease. teach them how to bear through difficulties.
Don’t follow people of shirk with their easy life. Be tough and strong.
Nothing should be able to move your children. They should be strong on their feet.
Umar al Azeez R saw one of his sons on the day of Eid wearing old worn out clothes, tears came out of the eyes of Ameer Umar Abdul Azeez R. His son saw him and asked, “Oh Ameerul Mumineen, what makes you cry?”
“Oh my son, I fear that your heart will be broken when other children see you in these clothes”
“oh ameerul, only those people’s hearts are broken who don’t make Allah happy, and disobey their mother and father, as for me, I hope Allah will be happy with me because my father will be happy with me”
Dont be weak, like oh my children dont have clothes, how can they survive… oh hohhh
Bottomline: work hard, to do that, sleep properly, wake up, be strong, no laziness, stay focused.
4) ADAALA:
Justice, never encourage children if they’re aggressive. teach them to say sorry and not exceed limits or commit injustice.
dont let them humiliate other children nor learn injustice from people.
teach them to not be proud of doing bad or dominate over others.
teach them to always be kind
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How to grow these 4 qualities?
never force, but sometimes show a little anger
you can leave him, to show the severity
let him know that it’s a serious matter
start nicely though, be gentle at first
If you’re child makes a better argument than you, or gives you a good argument in response to something you said, respect your child. dont get offended that some1 younger than you owned you
HITTING:
sometimes you can hit your child but softness is always best.
It’s to make the issue seem serious but if hitting doesn’t mean anything to them, then don’t do it. Hitting is just to make a connection to the bad thing they’re doing so it knocks some sense into them.
Anyone in authority who hits someone..
- not allowed ot hit child less than 10 years
- not allowed to hit child unless you’ve experimented every single possibility to teach him
- cannot hit him when you’re angry, calm down
- don’t hit them in sensitive parts of the body
- hitting should be very little, just a gesture. no mark on the body
إن الله يحب رفقا
Allah loves softness
Rights of children:
- the father chooses a good mother for him
- gives child a good name
- teaches the Quran
main message of raising children: make them HAPPY and GOOD
In marriage, there’s no harm for differences but don’t let there be fighting or argument in the house.
Disunity is worse than anything. In the end, the house is run by one person, the man. if the woman and man run it differently, it’ll make it different.
Note To My Sanity 