Muslim Child part 4 Last

Qualities you should focus on growing into your children:

  1. Tahara
  2. Ikhbat
  3. Samaha
  4. Adaala

Physical Growth

Mental Growth

  • Teach your children that the value of everything is based on Labor.  If you want to achieve something, you have to work hard. DO IT
  • Nothing comes by wishing dreaming and lying down
  • Teach them how important things are that they need to achieve them, nurture their WILL
  • Teaching according to THEIR understanding
  • Teach them their WILL and then How to do it (ACTION)
  • Don’t let them think you are forcing them.
  • Teach them that they have their own will.

Plan out how to make the point or action dear to your child.  You’re a teacher, you have to prepare and know things yourself

Use your mind, body, and heart the way its supposed to be, the right way. Teach them the same

Make them healthy and physically strong.  Make them handle hard work without tiring quickly.

Prophet S emphasized Archery, horse riding, and swimming.  But he added that archery is more beloved to him.

Command them to jump onto the back of the horses.  Don’t walk with your head lowered.  Walk like a young person whose strong and valiant.

Anything that doesn’t contain Allah’s name is useless except for 4 things.

  1. Learning with sword (sport)
  2. Training and looking after horses
  3. Men and Women’s enjoyment together
  4. Swimming

Games where you just sit in front of a screen and use fingers isn’t good for them.

There are so many other ways to make play. It’s harmful to children who play with screens.

Companionship:

Being alone is better than bad company and good company is better than being alone.

Everyone is on the religion of their friend, so look at who your friends are.

 

Mental growth:

intellectual growing, nurturing a good mind.  Develop thinking in your child so that they don’t simply copy other children at school.

Make them think why other children are doing the things they are and the consequence or benefit of it.

Don’t look at things with the eye of tradition, culture, parents, customs, DESIRE, etc.

If people don’t think properly, they’ll look at everything with the intention of desire.

Iqbal said “If people don’t think properly, then all the slogan of freedom and doing whatever you want, it makes people into animals. ”

Question everything you do, because everything has a result.

Stupid people learn after doing things, but wise people see things before it happens or doing them.

Wise people see that life is a dream now, idiots will realize that after they die.

Teach kids to know things before the end. So they can make the decision while they still can.

Looking at consequences actually makes the mind sharper and smarter.

Always think, what will you get from doing this or that.

Life isn’t about eating, drinking, and sleeping.  It makes the person weak mentally and physically.

Tahaara:

Making the mind, body, heart, everything pure from filth.

Secular education has no tahara at all.

“Western civilization is a corruption of heart and the mind because the whole civilization has no purity”

Teach kids how to clean themselves with water and toiletpaper.

WUDU- cleans the mind, heart, and body. teach them how to maintain in wudu all the time.

Teach them how to bathe  and ghusl without wasting water.

Cutting nails every week.

Teach them to cut their hair in an equal way,t he way the prophet S taught.

For boys, trim the mustache.

Men and women- remove hair from privates and underarms.  should be cleaned every week.

Part of purity is proper covering.

Make sure children even as young as 4 and 5, to not go naked in front of other people.

Navel to knees is the overall private  area for boys.

Teach girls from the beginning that they have to cover everything with lose clothing except for face, hands, and feet.

Keep a difference between girls and boys clothes.  So they know their identity and realize the differences. Dont let them copy other people in their attire.

Mens clothes should be simple, not attractive and designy like women’s clothes.

Women should put a jilbab over their fancy clothes when in public.

Separate children in bed after 7-10 years old, nor allow them to accompany cousins of opposite gender alone.

EATING & DRINKING

Let them know that they don’t get things just because they desire it.  Teach them to control their desires. Train them to not become greedy and know that they don’t get things just for wishing for them.

Teach them to not fill their stomach until they’re full.

Nobody has filled any container worse than the stomach.

1/3 food 1/3 drink 1/3 air

Teach them that if they fill themselves, they’ll be like animals.

Teach children the manners of eating and drinking, share, eat with right hand and from the nearer side of the plate.

Teaching them to be pure from bad character like lying, etc.

PURITY OF MIND & HEART

keep them safe from music, TV, Internet, Singing, Dancing

music doesnt create a real mood, it’s because it makes you dance and jump. It’s an external thing. Allah wants our movements and intentions to be internal, not from external forces.

no smoking. waste of money and harm of health

Zina- can happen with eye, touching, and then real zina.  it stops us from being believers. and once we start, it’s hard to get out of it.  it corrupts society too.  teach them from surah noor, ahzab, yusuf.  purity from all the heart, body, mind, health-  everything goes.

Any relation outside of marriage is haraam and is never allowed.

Ikhbaat  

worshiping your lord with full humility and maintaining faith in Allah.

create the fear of Allah, make their hearts see Allah

Teach them zuhd. “i knew that nobody can take my provision so I became content, and I knew that nobody can do my work, so i do it, and I also know that Allah sees me, so I don’t like doing things in front of him, I also know that I will die, so I prepare for it”

If a child says I want success, tell them to pray, that they read Quran, Dhikr, Zakat, Hajj, etc Allah will reward you and that is success. teach them that you have to do your work.

it’s a need.  teach them the importance of the Quran and how there’s no book equal to it.

Quran doesnt need evidence, it is the argument itself.  There’s no argument stronger than saying that this is from Allah. respect everything from the Quran.  Teach them love of Quran.

After Fajr prayer, have them sit with you and talk about the Quran for 10 minutes or so.

DO Fajr together or study Quran together. It lights up the whole house and angels come. The mercy of Allah increases. Teach them dhikr and everything.

Create the love of prayer and never compromise it. even if they aren’t feeling well. it should never be missed by the parent nor the child.  Make them feel it’s more important than anything.

AT THE MASJID

Even if children are running jumping playing and making noise, it’s okay but even that itself is learning for them.  It’s the masjid, it’s Allah’s house, they should feel at home there and feel the greatness of praying there and seeing all the adults praying so keenly.

3) SAMAAHA

bravery, generosity, patience, steadfastness, haya and modesty

don’t teach them to live with ease. teach them how to bear through difficulties.

Don’t follow people of shirk with their easy life.  Be tough and strong.

Nothing should be able to move your children.  They should be strong on their feet.

 

Umar al Azeez R saw one of his sons on the day of Eid wearing old worn out clothes, tears came out of the eyes of Ameer Umar Abdul Azeez R. His son saw him and asked, “Oh Ameerul Mumineen, what makes you cry?”

“Oh my son, I fear that your heart will be broken when other children see you in these clothes”

“oh ameerul, only those people’s hearts are broken who don’t make Allah happy, and disobey their mother and father, as for me, I hope Allah will be happy with me because my father will be happy with me”

Dont be weak, like oh my children dont have clothes, how can they survive… oh hohhh

Bottomline: work hard, to do that, sleep properly, wake up, be strong, no laziness, stay focused.

4) ADAALA:

Justice, never encourage children if they’re aggressive. teach them to say sorry and not exceed limits or commit injustice.

dont let them humiliate other children nor learn injustice from people.

teach them to not be proud of doing bad or dominate over others.

teach them to always be kind

—-

How to grow these 4 qualities?

never force, but sometimes show a little anger

you can leave him, to show the severity

let him know that it’s a serious matter

start nicely though, be gentle at first

If you’re child makes a better argument than you, or gives you a good argument in response to something you said, respect your child.  dont get offended that some1 younger than you owned you

HITTING:

sometimes you can hit your child but softness is always best.

It’s to make the issue seem serious but if hitting doesn’t mean anything to them, then don’t do it. Hitting is just to make a connection to the bad thing they’re doing so it knocks some sense into them.

Anyone in authority who hits someone..

  1. not allowed ot hit child less than 10 years
  2. not allowed to hit child unless you’ve experimented every single possibility to teach him
  3. cannot hit him when you’re angry, calm down
  4. don’t hit them in sensitive parts of the body
  5. hitting should be very little, just a gesture. no mark on the body

إن الله يحب رفقا

Allah loves softness

Rights of children:

  1. the father chooses a good mother for him
  2. gives child a good name
  3. teaches the Quran

main message of raising children: make them HAPPY and GOOD

In marriage, there’s no harm for differences but don’t let there be fighting or argument in the house.

Disunity is worse than anything. In the end, the house is run by one person, the man. if the woman and man run it differently, it’ll make it different.

 

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Muslim Child Notes part 2

Houses should never feel like a school or hostile with tight timings and programs.

ROLE OF THE FAMILY

family provides an example

children should feel relaxed and loved.

Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi both narrated

“The Prophet SAW said those people who don’t have mercy on our children, they are not from us, and those people who do not respect our elders, they are not from us”

  • having mercy on children is part of religion

Bukhari narrated”  A man came to the prophet S and the man had a young child with him. he man started hugging the child all the time, and the prophet S asked him, “do you love him/are you having mercy on him?”  He replied “Yes”   Prophet S said

“Allah swt has more mercy with you than you have with him”

If you have mercy on your child, Allah will love and have mercy on you

From Aisha-  A bedoiuin came to the prophet , so the prophet S asked him” Do you kiss your children?”

He said “NO”

“What can I do if Allah swt doesn’t have mercy on you”

Children should feel that they were truly loved by their parents and cared for. Make everything outside of the home remind them of their home and how everything is so much better at home.

LEARNING FROM THE NATURAL ENVIRONMENT

Iqbal-

“In the country of Love, make your own place/position, don’t rely on the people. create your own time, your own morning and evening, don’t borrow it from people”

“If Allah gives you a heart that can read nature, then you’ll see that all the roses and flowers and plants are speaking with you and you can learn from them” all you need is the heart that can understand the language.

“I am humiliated, ppl put their steps on me, i have no respect, im alwqys worried in this universe, why is your position always higher than the stars?

the eagle answers, “you are looking for your provision on the path of the ppl, you’ll be humiliated, while i myself, i fly high and find my own food”

Tree and Bird Story-

“One day, a tree said to the bird of a desert, ‘This whole universe is based on injustice, if Allah had given me wings like you to fly, then I would fly like you, then the whole univese would become so colorful with trees flying everywhere’

The bird replied, ‘ you’ve misunderstood, you call injustice what’s justice.  In this world, those don’t deserve to fly who are attached to the ground”

if you want to fly, detach yourself from the earth.

LEARNING FROM SOCIETY

Being a minority of muslims and the environment being bad is not a good attitude to show children.  There is still so much that children can learn from.

Piety doesn’t require a set of conditions.  Piety can be in any state anywhere at anytime.

Piety all depends on you.

ex. Abu Bakr being so kind as he is despite having 99% harmful mean people around him

if the environment helps you be pious, then it’s too easy for you and makes you lazy

but when it’s challenging you, it makes you stronger and purer.

Muslim Society?

Some try to make their own mini muslimland madrasas to save their children isolating them from everything.

It’s not healthy because then children are not exposed.  People need to be exposed so they can learn.  How can they learn to tolerate? How can they know how to really be when the situation comes.

Allah created different conditions for muslims so that it’s an opportunity to improve them and test them, and help them learn.

It’s just to make them think and ponder more.

The people of the cave had a hostile environment but they were still able to remain pious.

Even if muslims make their min muslimland places, it will still turn into the same issues that happen in muslim countries.

There’s no point in complaining about the environment. You are in control of yourself.

Always look at your situation positively and see what you can do.  No condition of the world can stop you from being pious.  If you want to be good, only you can make yourself good.

See how you can utilize what you have in your environment. Don’t complain.

Iman and Islam can never be defeated.

You can still be better than a person who was raised by scholars.

Secular Education

You cannot avoid secular education no matter what in this society. It’s your test. You have to learn how to benefit from it. You have to figure out a way that you only take what’s beneficial for you and you leave out what’s harmful.

When you go to school, take the ilm but not the culture or philosophies and manners.

There are countless ways of benefiting without harming your religion.  If you do get harmed, Allah swt can forgive because it’s not like you’re not trying.

It’s never advisable to leave secular education otherwise you’ll never get anywhere in this society (kinda obvious) unless you’re okay with being a taxi driver lol

In madrasas, choose good teachers.

Before teaching children, improve yourself because their eyes are connected with your eyes. TO them, good is what you’ll see as good, and evil what you see as evil.  And tell them biographies.  And threaten them with the father’s name

Doctors don’t rush for medicine until they are sure what the illness is.

Don’t lie that I will do something because I am relying on you, teacher. Teachers should make effort to see what the problems are with the students before advising them.

Teach my children to speak the truth.  Make them memorize poetry, make them brave, and make those who help people.  make them avoid sitting with lower people who have bad manners.

when they’re alone discipline them, not in public.

Be firm on them if they lie because it leads to sin and sin leads to fire.

Teachers should have good character themselves.