Motto for Living in a Trump Era

nothing better than getting a healthy dose of the Masjid at times like this( Trump Era) This is what I have to share after listening to a lecture by some really awesome learned scholar phD dude, a brilliant educator of our young Imam.  This isnt all what the lecturer said, rather it’s my reflection and way of relating it to myself.
1) change our focus from falling for our desires, trying to get more of everything we want. more of our distractions, more of the shiny things, more of excess -basically anything -that signifies wealth for you.  the excess. the  extravagance.  the greed.   Be real with yourself and what matters
2) dont let circumstances make you take away your consideration for others. care for others, help others, ponder about others and their pains and how you can be there for them, expand unity beyond your personal borders.


3) bare through it patiently. it’s gonna be hard, scary, and ugly but we have to be our best especially in this time. no matter how much you wanna go off on someone, you gotta play it cool bc that’s what will hit the hardest if you wanna win. cuz the point of this all is that you wanna win and you cant win without controlling yourself and being humble

resilience and tea

just had a sob attack.  an angry teary hangry attack. a half eaten brownie that was for me, triggered it (i was looking forward to it the whole night to have it for bf). I still have to go through my divorce thing and i have to find the right lawyer.  If i could, if I can, I’d get him deported. but it’s not worth the waste of money.  So in my delirious outburst of anger I wrote myself this thing

By God’s mercy

I refuse to let words hurt me
I refuse to let circumstances stop me
I refuse to fall hopeless
I refuse to let my weaknesses detain me
I refuse to fall victim to emotions
I refuse to let people’s abuse consume me
I refuse to let mindsets and corruption make me give up
I refuse to sit down and sob
I refuse to give in
I refuse to stop

By God’s mercy

I refuse to stop.

So then I made my mom a cup of tea.  cuz I left the kettle on as i was balling away

By God’s mercy, the tea saved me from my utter drop.

 

I can. speak

Was I ever in control- wwas I ever in control
when my mouth slips and slurs
when my brain forgets the words
despite my heart knowing exactly which grain of sand
I’m trying to put into another’s hand —
the pain of ushering rush, tongue tied
tight in knots, I know which grain I want to lift up to share, exactly which angle I want the sun’s light to glint and glare, as you wait n stare
What is it that makes me stop and sputter a stutter?  I’m stammering as I’m hammering my thoughts to bring out the diamonds the sapphires the emeralds but lifting the jewels with
Buttered fingers, blushed cheeks
apologetic smile, flushed stiff
cold sweat and jittering streaks I used to stuff toilet paper under my armpits to hide the overwhelming feeling of my feeling like a freak, an adult who doesnt know how to speak–

Nervous and frail I hear my noise..  I say I do know poise,

I do not have my tail between my legs, But this twist and whirling zoom is not tamed on a leash,
How much can I beg myself my self to OWN my self and find the word I know exists, the meaning I know matters the feeling I know is real, and even when that word comes out of the treasure chest I dug out of the marked X that I placed, the one whom I’m in command of- my tongue- decides to hide or my lips miss the signal that it’s time to dismiss another message to the listener I hoped to entertain with my play, my lines, my words, my simple auditory communication,.. now I wonder was I ever in

control

when I became shy and couldn’t say

why

the silent one in the back

What is the definition of life
Are we all the same on the inside
Are the monsters real
or is it just what I think
Being the silent one in the back
I appear as a creep
No one really knows
The things I see
The secrets I keep
The words in my mouth
that never came out
Is it all nothing
Or was it all worth something
that I never really became a part
of the rest of the living

Self-Approval

when will she break open and be free
where her only fear is to not sail the seven seas
how dull and frail she is right now not showing any dignity

stick to your morals I say!
there’s nothing to lose

but nay
she only sways away

I don’t know how to practice those morals
what if I do wrong when I intend right
what if I fail and ..

—And what if you don’t??
there’s no fright I say !
do wrong ! be wronged ! there’s victory in every way

stop your self-menace, allow yourself to accept ur soul

you are you and stuck with it all
so embrace yourself and treat it like a child
care for it like you care for your own
because you yourself
are your own

but by being ur own you’ve earned me and him and her and them
you have friends from being urself
isn’t that enough proof that you can be free and strong?

Go. Leave. break away from your protective armor that blocks ur very sight and oxygen.

let your self live and feel the earth through your fingers. you have nothing to lose but urself from this world

Apocalyptic Mind

 

 

Courage, Kindness, Forgiveness
These precious gifts to humanity

Faith, Love, Sacrifice
Have we given these up for vanity?

Humility, Respect, Justice
Has greed contaminated our sanity?

Our eyes see none but ourselves
as giving is really a question of receiving

Bounties and blessings fermented into a toxic wine
searing our hearts into the ash of swine
tongues longer than the serpent’s life
devouring all in it’s dark midnight slither
lest the prey wither away

Now as innocence is the fading wisp of sweet incense
Its a fortune to guard and protect against the
suffocating bellows of tornadoes ablaze
on the land of the free

or so you thought

locked under industrial slave-ships of captain Greed-
these plains which we birth our future unto-
waned,
depleted of their right to reign
with forestry and mothering shelter, freedom,
abundance-
no its been traded
no it’s been stolen for relish
too hyper, too eager to wait to
dance on the throne of one only parish