Money and Status

 

don’t dig through others’ pockets
for gold that’s already been sold
reset your clocks to when you were only sowing
the seeds before you began plowing and reaping
your ego and reeking of prestige that only the blind
with heavy pockets are obsessed to see

bring back your memory of blood sweat and tears
oh the happy years of living without the fears of degradation
you left it all to the One in control
that was your only reparation
because you knew your sole purpose was for your soul,
not to please others and become the one who oppresses
and controls
and sees through numbers

 

 

Punched in the face by hypocrisy

Bismillahi rahmani rahim

How should I start this.  Amidst the wonderful opportunities of meeting amazing people, I’ve also crossed-paths to discover instances that kinda broke my heart.  Hypocrisy.  My intention isn’t to point out the hypocrisy in others, rather it’s to recollect the sadness that I experience and find a window of sunshine through it.

I’ve been basically a hermit for the past few years ever since coming back from Bayyinah in 2013, and in general the circumstances in my life had left me with very little understanding of people and the outside world.

So all of a sudden since getting back in touch with the community and in general, life itself, I’ve discovered many uniquely spectacular people.  I fell in love with everyone that showed even a little bit of humanity and respect. I also found people I thought were inspiring and like-minded, like I’ve finally found the right crowd of people, -despite me still being the quirky oddball weirdo (my highschool personality still resonates from within) ,

erm so where was I..  yeah so there were some really cool people I met and I kinda looked up at em but then as I spent more time, things weren’t as I thought they’d be. Small uncanny surprises made their way and I actually realized how much I disagreed with these people.

Like a lot.

I thought maybe it’s a culture difference.  but nowadays, most people develop their own versions of culture.  idk yaar i’m just saying that when these people display Islamic practice and then I see some things that aren’t very islamic, more like not islamic, like un-Islamic.

it just kinda hit me.

One of the worst cases was when the Imam-uncle was straight up harrassing me for 4 hours when I told him my marriage was an insult to Islam and that info about my marriage is confidential information.

Like bro that aint how being an “imam” works.. ugh! this is why people hate Islam! he made me hate being born as a girl.  the misogyny and arrogance was fuming out of him.

that’s one of the extreme cases though.

There are lighter cases but I guess in this day and age, these are all nuances.  nobody cares.

I care tho.

eheh that’s why im writing about it.  I know I have my weaknesses, and I accept that when I do bad things, that they’re bad things, and I more than wish for others to not suffer from weaknesses like mine. But when you preach one thing and then show another thing, that’s when it’s messed up.

when you appear as a role model for youngsters, that’s when it’s messed up.

and when you talk a ton, say all these super ilm-y (knowledgey)  things, but then your actual demakh (mind, baal)  appears empty, that’s when it kinda just slightly punches me across the face in astonishment.

like there’s so much talk about taking a right turn, but then why do I see you limping to the left side of the street.

ur just another person to me now, but one who punched me in the face.  with good qualities and bad qualities, but one who punched me in the face.

I’ll pray for you and strive hard to educate others to not be like you, and most importantly, for me to not be like you,  somebody who admired you.

 

Logic potion

Sometimes I wish

That when I’m set Inna trance of emotion

I can sip on a cup of  logic potion

Where I can submerge into  facts

And stop dreaming of fluffy cats

And think for myself without confusion

 

This logic potion

Isn’t an ordinary notion

I won’t get drunk, it’s quite the opposite really

It’s everything nice but without the touchy feely

I’ll nibble on my chocolate

With my eyes awake and open

Reclining on my chair

Sipping on my logic potion,

which btw I wouldn’t ever share!

It helps me see quite clearly

But the price is paid quite dearly

As a part of me is numbed away

And i lose those thoughts I thought

so freely

Thoughts that kept me awake at night

Sometimes putting me to sleep in bliss

That I can have one last kiss of hope

Before I begin the next day

Ready to live the next day

With this potion, everything becomes mechanical

And all actions seem equivocal

It’s math and deduction

And of course also intuition

But I realized, that the feelings I have teach me more than my own objections

They teach me about me

Faster than any division

It takes time to set approximations

But with my heart, I quickly see with my reactions

So no,

Change of mind! I was just kidding

I’ll have a sip of bubble tea instead!

An Answer (a cycle of victim-blaming)

Finally gotten the opportunity to find an answer

But before receiving an answer, there has to be a question

How can there be a question if the problem can’t be named

The problem appears invisible, as you’re the only witness

It’s hard to prove the facts when you’re the only evidence

As the evidence is you, unchanged, unmoved, still in place, frozen in a state of permanence

the problem appears to be you

Questions are refuted to you

You are the fault

So now take the salt

Answer the question

that you brought into creation

Because you’re the one who complained

You’re the one who cried

you’re the one who stood apart

so face this disgrace and comply

for trying to escape your space

stand back in place

the ace is in my hand

i’m the one in command

A universe in yourself

Beautiful, benign, and benevolent

graceful, divine, and genuine

Flaws and all, you’re a concoction of perfection

the cosmic radiance in each beat of your heart

the endless galaxies in your eyes that can see more than art

Your life, your wishful soul- a personality that none other can capture

All that lulls and dulls, it’s just the ingredients for you to retain claim of yourself

Forgetful, messy,

quirky and dressy

These are your traits that help you be free.

We are all games for ourselves, we’re all perfect in who we are

it’s just that we must keep up with these traits

and continue to discover what else is in our plates.

As we open more gates and face our fates

it’s then that our turn is ours to roll

the dice  that is in our own control

it’s our choice to remain perfect

and it’s our choice to regress in defect

So what will it be?  Mark a tally of hate on our slate

or a mark of congruence and continuation

in our growth and perfect

creation?

 

 

 

 

Days

But then again, you only live once…

So I will make the most of my days

It’s up to me to find all the ways

God gave me the keys to use them as I please

so please, I say to myself- do not let this consuming darkness

hover over my eyes

It blinds me with lies about myself

telling me my goals are baseless-

That I’m full of holes, so what I do is pointless

But the judgement is in the Future’s hands

Because Time well spent is what really matters,

-Not what I see now in what appears to be a fishless pond

Miracles do happen

And not at a price, except that

I, myself, be the science of it

until I reach the end of the summit

and be the one first to submit

in humility

as success is simply

the first step

in not being lazy

nor being bound to the haze

of all the craze

that seems to revolve

with ease

around your manifest effort