Silence and tears

Sometimes you have to cry over the little things that otherwise an “adult” with thick skin might suck in and deal with.

To cry over the lack of understanding on regardless of whether it’s on your part or theirs.  because regardless, there’s a misunderstanding, and regardless, there’s a ripple ,creating movement in still water.

There isn’t much you can do when it comes to the tongue exercising its malice and expressing its inner pain, all expelled onto you.

You just suck it in.  let your heart succumb to the venom.  and let it cycle through your body into tears.  tears to purify you of your pain, tears to create a quiet stream to carry you to a refuge of silence

Silence and tears, they’re such a perfect duo.

Money and Status


don’t dig through others’ pockets
for gold that’s already been sold
reset your clocks to when you were only sowing
the seeds before you began plowing and reaping
your ego and reeking of prestige that only the blind
with heavy pockets are obsessed to see

bring back your memory of blood sweat and tears
oh the happy years of living without the fears of degradation
you left it all to the One in control
that was your only reparation
because you knew your sole purpose was for your soul,
not to please others and become the one who oppresses
and controls
and sees through numbers



shadows within the radiance

you think this is beauty

you think this is the end

and have reached the end of the pulpit

to make your amends

let no hand hold you back from where you stand

there’s more to your story

and there’s more than these societal binds

that force you to be inclined

to what’s reflected into your mind


you think this is beauty

you think this is the end

but it’s merely a stone-cold friend

I know it’s hard to see when you think you’re free

but believe me you are above this fathomed glee

this is not the destination,

culmination has not reach its peak

reset your determination


watch them as they speak

you’re not sitting in the audience,

spotlight is on you

there are shadows within the radiance

tell me, what will you do?



Punched in the face by hypocrisy

Bismillahi rahmani rahim

How should I start this.  Amidst the wonderful opportunities of meeting amazing people, I’ve also crossed-paths to discover instances that kinda broke my heart.  Hypocrisy.  My intention isn’t to point out the hypocrisy in others, rather it’s to recollect the sadness that I experience and find a window of sunshine through it.

I’ve been basically a hermit for the past few years ever since coming back from Bayyinah in 2013, and in general the circumstances in my life had left me with very little understanding of people and the outside world.

So all of a sudden since getting back in touch with the community and in general, life itself, I’ve discovered many uniquely spectacular people.  I fell in love with everyone that showed even a little bit of humanity and respect. I also found people I thought were inspiring and like-minded, like I’ve finally found the right crowd of people, -despite me still being the quirky oddball weirdo (my highschool personality still resonates from within) ,

erm so where was I..  yeah so there were some really cool people I met and I kinda looked up at em but then as I spent more time, things weren’t as I thought they’d be. Small uncanny surprises made their way and I actually realized how much I disagreed with these people.

Like a lot.

I thought maybe it’s a culture difference.  but nowadays, most people develop their own versions of culture.  idk yaar i’m just saying that when these people display Islamic practice and then I see some things that aren’t very islamic, more like not islamic, like un-Islamic.

it just kinda hit me.

One of the worst cases was when the Imam-uncle was straight up harrassing me for 4 hours when I told him my marriage was an insult to Islam and that info about my marriage is confidential information.

Like bro that aint how being an “imam” works.. ugh! this is why people hate Islam! he made me hate being born as a girl.  the misogyny and arrogance was fuming out of him.

that’s one of the extreme cases though.

There are lighter cases but I guess in this day and age, these are all nuances.  nobody cares.

I care tho.

eheh that’s why im writing about it.  I know I have my weaknesses, and I accept that when I do bad things, that they’re bad things, and I more than wish for others to not suffer from weaknesses like mine. But when you preach one thing and then show another thing, that’s when it’s messed up.

when you appear as a role model for youngsters, that’s when it’s messed up.

and when you talk a ton, say all these super ilm-y (knowledgey)  things, but then your actual demakh (mind, baal)  appears empty, that’s when it kinda just slightly punches me across the face in astonishment.

like there’s so much talk about taking a right turn, but then why do I see you limping to the left side of the street.

ur just another person to me now, but one who punched me in the face.  with good qualities and bad qualities, but one who punched me in the face.

I’ll pray for you and strive hard to educate others to not be like you, and most importantly, for me to not be like you,  somebody who admired you.


Fighting racism with Haikus

We are all but one

A single tree but timeless

one with all seasons

It’s not the best haiku but at least I followed the rules!

The title says it all.  Graciechicksblog  began a new campaign a little while ago and I thought it was a great idea to follow up with it!

Below is the link to her original post.






I am human, but I love.

Show me kindness

Move my heart

I am a coward

Who has not yet flowered.

Am I brave enough to breath through black smoke of the fire in my ties,

maybe so.

and I am a coward.

Look at me with more than just your eyes

I am a coward, but when the moment strikes I’ll reel though the heat of midday summer without surrendering.

I won’t give up from losing, I won’t stoop low if I reach my prime

but I’ll remain a coward,

with sometimes courage, sometimes strength,

and sometimes fear.

show me kindness

move my heart

for you,

I’ll stand for you, dear.


I’m a new-ish blogger and have never been nominated before, so this is really exciting for me.  Why? I like talking about myself that’s why.  Lol JK

Actually, for me this is a huge honor because I feel like I’m slowly really getting into the whole blogging thing and I’m  glad to be able to make friends over this.

I was nominated by @allinastory and I thank you for remembering me and my blog 🙂  ( definitely subscribe to her, she’s a sweet person mA)


The Rules:

 • Thank the person/persons who nominated you in a blog post and link back to their blog.

 • Answer the 11 questions sent by the person who nominated you.

 • Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.

 • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo on your post and/or on your blog.


These are her questions:

  1. Who are you? If you have introduce yourself without the expectations and confines of people, (egs. careers, positions, jobs) what would you want a person to know you as?

That’s a hard question lol.    I’m a compassionate person who just wants people to be happy. I want people to know that I truly care and will do my best to be there for them if they need me.  I will support them and respect their differences. Know me as a friend 🙂

2.  Describe a couple of small instances in life that make you genuinely happy 🙂

Hmm that’s easy! Eating chocolate, remembering something I tried to memorize, adkhar, buying shoes, pranking my sisters, and hugging my mom lol

3.  What would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail? Would it be the same without  the challenge?

Simple answer: swimming in deep water without failing lol  I can’t swim so..

Complicated answer:  haha talking to scholars and discussing things with them. I’m so afraid of talking to them because I usually say something stupid from getting nervous lol

4.  What makes the people you look up to special?

The effort they put into becoming who they are.  The challenges they faced and the patience they observed when dealing with tough situations.

5. If you had the opportunity to address the entire world for 1 minute what would you  say?

This is an interesting question.  I’d address the world by telling them to stop being greedy and jealous, stop judging other people and telling them how terrible they are, and stop charging interest when helping others out

6. What is some integral part of your daily routine that without it, feels incomplete?

Reading Quran in the morning before I start my day.  Without it, I feel empty or as if my day won’t go well. 

7.  What is a special memory you have of your childhood?

Well this one isn’t really a good one but it is special 😛  One time we went swimming in a river and I went to this nasty marshy part of the river and suddenly on my hand was this jeweled beetle sucking on my hand.  It still creeps me out till today.  The beetle had beautiful  royal reds and blues on it. but omg ew i hated this happening to me so much. 

8.  What is something you love to do?

I love studying arabic but I just can’t seem to focus on it right now 😦

9.  What is the best thing you’ve read in the past month?

I just read this article by @SpilltheChai and I really liked it 🙂  I dont remember anything else for now cuz i read things all the time 😛

10. If you could meet anyone from the past, who would it be and why?

James Madison so he could slap the hell outa America over Trump’s new bigoted regime.  -____-

11. Where would you like to travel to and why?

Besides Turkey (cuz I wanna go shopping there so I’ll need to save up lol) I would love to visit the Maldives. The water is so beautiful and blue and I don’t know I just LOVE beaches. I’ve never been to a real one.  I live right in the middle of the US :: Missouri so I think I’ve had my fair share of trees and forests lol

My 11 questions for those I’ve nominated:


  1. what made you start blogging?
  2. What is the biggest sacrifice you’ve ever made in your life?
  3. Who is someone that has impacted your life and why?
  4. What is something you hope to accomplish before you die?
  5. What is something kind that you did but nobody knew about it?
  6. what is the craziest thing someone has said to you?
  7. What cause are you most passionate about?
  8. What is something you’ve done for yourself?
  9. What makes you different?
  10. If you could, would you live your life again, with the chance to make different choices?
  11. Who was the last person to smile at you?  🙂 

Nominating  bloggers 🙂 :::

Okay IDK if it’s appropriate to nominate Br.Babar, but you’re still ridiculously inspiring mA

Babar Ahmad,
Kira’s Hymn ,
New Muslim

I’m not really in contact with many bloggers for now so.. 😛  i hope this suffices