A threshold past the heavens

are you catching on
are you catching onto how each cloud reflects the sky in its own view
bringing color and form in every possible hue
are you catching onto how each cloud gives the sky purpose

and how the sky finds purpose with the clouds
and that we see the final scene
with all of it’s everlasting depth and beauty

are you catching onto how this scenery is the secret to all we yearn
that it’s all we need to learn
every breeze plows the clouds apart
fashioning each strobe most delicately through the horizon
there’s wisdom in every whispered wonder in whatever cloud that descends a little lower than usual

do you see the magnitude before your eyes
what is arrogance
what is pride
what is ownership
when that which is beyond us
is past our bewilderment

what little is left
but love
something we can acquire

a threshold of its own
a bridge that leads to further discovery
creating beauty from all the past and misery
as the sun sets away last of it’s days fusing light
to fall in love with the moon
and enlighten another path
that can only be seen in the night
and each star to twinkle us through time until we set again

and again, and again.

for us to find a reason to smile again,

and again.

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Silence and tears

Sometimes you have to cry over the little things that otherwise an “adult” with thick skin might suck in and deal with.

To cry over the lack of understanding on regardless of whether it’s on your part or theirs.  because regardless, there’s a misunderstanding, and regardless, there’s a ripple ,creating movement in still water.

There isn’t much you can do when it comes to the tongue exercising its malice and expressing its inner pain, all expelled onto you.

You just suck it in.  let your heart succumb to the venom.  and let it cycle through your body into tears.  tears to purify you of your pain, tears to create a quiet stream to carry you to a refuge of silence

Silence and tears, they’re such a perfect duo.

Money and Status

 

don’t dig through others’ pockets
for gold that’s already been sold
reset your clocks to when you were only sowing
the seeds before you began plowing and reaping
your ego and reeking of prestige that only the blind
with heavy pockets are obsessed to see

bring back your memory of blood sweat and tears
oh the happy years of living without the fears of degradation
you left it all to the One in control
that was your only reparation
because you knew your sole purpose was for your soul,
not to please others and become the one who oppresses
and controls
and sees through numbers

 

 

shadows within the radiance

you think this is beauty

you think this is the end

and have reached the end of the pulpit

to make your amends

let no hand hold you back from where you stand

there’s more to your story

and there’s more than these societal binds

that force you to be inclined

to what’s reflected into your mind

 

you think this is beauty

you think this is the end

but it’s merely a stone-cold friend

I know it’s hard to see when you think you’re free

but believe me you are above this fathomed glee

this is not the destination,

culmination has not reach its peak

reset your determination

and

watch them as they speak

you’re not sitting in the audience,

spotlight is on you

there are shadows within the radiance

tell me, what will you do?

 

 

Punched in the face by hypocrisy

Bismillahi rahmani rahim

How should I start this.  Amidst the wonderful opportunities of meeting amazing people, I’ve also crossed-paths to discover instances that kinda broke my heart.  Hypocrisy.  My intention isn’t to point out the hypocrisy in others, rather it’s to recollect the sadness that I experience and find a window of sunshine through it.

I’ve been basically a hermit for the past few years ever since coming back from Bayyinah in 2013, and in general the circumstances in my life had left me with very little understanding of people and the outside world.

So all of a sudden since getting back in touch with the community and in general, life itself, I’ve discovered many uniquely spectacular people.  I fell in love with everyone that showed even a little bit of humanity and respect. I also found people I thought were inspiring and like-minded, like I’ve finally found the right crowd of people, -despite me still being the quirky oddball weirdo (my highschool personality still resonates from within) ,

erm so where was I..  yeah so there were some really cool people I met and I kinda looked up at em but then as I spent more time, things weren’t as I thought they’d be. Small uncanny surprises made their way and I actually realized how much I disagreed with these people.

Like a lot.

I thought maybe it’s a culture difference.  but nowadays, most people develop their own versions of culture.  idk yaar i’m just saying that when these people display Islamic practice and then I see some things that aren’t very islamic, more like not islamic, like un-Islamic.

it just kinda hit me.

One of the worst cases was when the Imam-uncle was straight up harrassing me for 4 hours when I told him my marriage was an insult to Islam and that info about my marriage is confidential information.

Like bro that aint how being an “imam” works.. ugh! this is why people hate Islam! he made me hate being born as a girl.  the misogyny and arrogance was fuming out of him.

that’s one of the extreme cases though.

There are lighter cases but I guess in this day and age, these are all nuances.  nobody cares.

I care tho.

eheh that’s why im writing about it.  I know I have my weaknesses, and I accept that when I do bad things, that they’re bad things, and I more than wish for others to not suffer from weaknesses like mine. But when you preach one thing and then show another thing, that’s when it’s messed up.

when you appear as a role model for youngsters, that’s when it’s messed up.

and when you talk a ton, say all these super ilm-y (knowledgey)  things, but then your actual demakh (mind, baal)  appears empty, that’s when it kinda just slightly punches me across the face in astonishment.

like there’s so much talk about taking a right turn, but then why do I see you limping to the left side of the street.

ur just another person to me now, but one who punched me in the face.  with good qualities and bad qualities, but one who punched me in the face.

I’ll pray for you and strive hard to educate others to not be like you, and most importantly, for me to not be like you,  somebody who admired you.

 

Fighting racism with Haikus

We are all but one

A single tree but timeless

one with all seasons

It’s not the best haiku but at least I followed the rules!

The title says it all.  Graciechicksblog  began a new campaign a little while ago and I thought it was a great idea to follow up with it!

Below is the link to her original post.

https://graciechicksblog.wordpress.com/my-campaign-tackling-racism-with-haikus/

 

 

 

 

 

I am human, but I love.

Show me kindness

Move my heart

I am a coward

Who has not yet flowered.

Am I brave enough to breath through black smoke of the fire in my ties,

maybe so.

and I am a coward.

Look at me with more than just your eyes

I am a coward, but when the moment strikes I’ll reel though the heat of midday summer without surrendering.

I won’t give up from losing, I won’t stoop low if I reach my prime

but I’ll remain a coward,

with sometimes courage, sometimes strength,

and sometimes fear.

show me kindness

move my heart

for you,

I’ll stand for you, dear.