Immaterial heaven of my living self

I will wait in patience 

Until that which was unknown becomes apparent

And until prayers and destiny reach their verdict

 no rush, I’m happy as I am.
Unfortunately what’s best is that time be taken for clarity

For both cases to be solved and given their due burials

 And toss away our last living flowers of the past into it’s casket for cremation

After all, this ambiguity is well-wishing. Although it leaves huge gaping holes in my heart, I must accustom myself to the ice cool breeze willowing through this freshly carved cave

Perhaps one day it’ll become as magnificent and jeweled as the worlds oldest caves.

It’ll become my castle, my sanctuary of ever flowing hopes and dreams. Pure tears from the valley of my eyes, furnishing mirrored stalagmites of sincere desires.

Reflecting the years of sabr  

and dedication, and the serene streams of honesty meandering through and through.

This is my artwork, this is my treasure, which no eye has seen.

And it’s all carefully crafted by my patience, sincerity, and destiny.

This is the immaterial heaven of my living self.

The throne of my mind-palace. 

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resilience and tea

just had a sob attack.  an angry teary hangry attack. a half eaten brownie that was for me, triggered it (i was looking forward to it the whole night to have it for bf). I still have to go through my divorce thing and i have to find the right lawyer.  If i could, if I can, I’d get him deported. but it’s not worth the waste of money.  So in my delirious outburst of anger I wrote myself this thing

By God’s mercy

I refuse to let words hurt me
I refuse to let circumstances stop me
I refuse to fall hopeless
I refuse to let my weaknesses detain me
I refuse to fall victim to emotions
I refuse to let people’s abuse consume me
I refuse to let mindsets and corruption make me give up
I refuse to sit down and sob
I refuse to give in
I refuse to stop

By God’s mercy

I refuse to stop.

So then I made my mom a cup of tea.  cuz I left the kettle on as i was balling away

By God’s mercy, the tea saved me from my utter drop.