Motto for Living in a Trump Era

nothing better than getting a healthy dose of the Masjid at times like this( Trump Era) This is what I have to share after listening to a lecture by some really awesome learned scholar phD dude, a brilliant educator of our young Imam.  This isnt all what the lecturer said, rather it’s my reflection and way of relating it to myself.
1) change our focus from falling for our desires, trying to get more of everything we want. more of our distractions, more of the shiny things, more of excess -basically anything -that signifies wealth for you.  the excess. the  extravagance.  the greed.   Be real with yourself and what matters
2) dont let circumstances make you take away your consideration for others. care for others, help others, ponder about others and their pains and how you can be there for them, expand unity beyond your personal borders.


3) bare through it patiently. it’s gonna be hard, scary, and ugly but we have to be our best especially in this time. no matter how much you wanna go off on someone, you gotta play it cool bc that’s what will hit the hardest if you wanna win. cuz the point of this all is that you wanna win and you cant win without controlling yourself and being humble

Self-Approval

when will she break open and be free
where her only fear is to not sail the seven seas
how dull and frail she is right now not showing any dignity

stick to your morals I say!
there’s nothing to lose

but nay
she only sways away

I don’t know how to practice those morals
what if I do wrong when I intend right
what if I fail and ..

—And what if you don’t??
there’s no fright I say !
do wrong ! be wronged ! there’s victory in every way

stop your self-menace, allow yourself to accept ur soul

you are you and stuck with it all
so embrace yourself and treat it like a child
care for it like you care for your own
because you yourself
are your own

but by being ur own you’ve earned me and him and her and them
you have friends from being urself
isn’t that enough proof that you can be free and strong?

Go. Leave. break away from your protective armor that blocks ur very sight and oxygen.

let your self live and feel the earth through your fingers. you have nothing to lose but urself from this world

My modesty

Can my morals and free-thought culture be the flirtatious song of my voice

that brings charmed smiles

or my determination in my aspirations cause the love-struck ambitions

Can selflessness be an adornment the way

my robe generously flows around my hips

Or-When can my deep sincerity, honesty, and integrity be the exotic

blackest kohl

as my veil of identity and personality graces my eyes

Can it be that all that I’ve learned and am learning

be the gold hung around my neck and hands

And be the means of true impression and status

Or my diligence and it’s dirt of hard work on my clothes

be the satin fabric that illuminates my skin

the way my heart illuminates

all the same, from within. in full radiance, and beauty

that I can claim to be of my own

and natural

 

 

 

 

Contemplation

Oh Allah I used to cry to you all the time
Until you dried my tears away
but then just as my eyes became dry
so did my heart
because when I’d moisten my eyes with my tears
so would my heart remain moist

and despite the tears of sadness
I’d find through the rivers
cooling streams
giving my reluctance security
giving my shyness integrity

yet, now I’m treading on my own path

using my imagination to lay down bricks

that make their turns on rifts

 

Oh Lord, turn these scorched roads

into meandering runoffs

that lead to secret gardens

and profused abodes

before my heart completely hardens

and becomes spitefully zesty with nothing more than

ugly scoffs

 

 

So I pray to my bewildernment
as I sit hear with my hands up high
begging for my eyes to never dry
lest these amateur paths my hands pry

crumble nigh without knowing why

 

 

Twas the demons in my head.

Sleep Paralysis

 

Having read my nightly prayers

I tidy up my covers and tuck in my teddy bears

In a matter of moments I slip into a soft sleep

No dreams this time, just a complete black out

a deep dark down hemisphere of bleakness

where time is but meaningless

My soul whirls around freely

until it’s grabbed by the unknown so fiercely

My senses and wits are slammed in me to bits

I’m awake and I scream hoping it’s a dream

but nay it’s all very real

in my own body’s ordeal

can’t blink or flinch

just think, as I beg my fingers to twitch

I’m not alone, my thoughts are swarming around me

Turning into great weights over my chest

a surreal degree on the sense of touch

Time is a millennium, sucked into 2  black holes of the 2 damned galaxies

in my  2 pupils which fail me

as I’m blind to this horrifying endearment on

making my body lifeless

Overpowering fear befalls through my ears

shrouding the inside of my skull

with the voiceless lull of paralyzing smog

Terminating my claim

to my body’s taming

Turning it into a game

on who gets to own me

as I lie on my bed

awake, alone, and lame

 

 

This used to happen to my every now and then a few years ago.  Stress doesn’t have much to do with it. Exhaustion, maybe.  Because it would happen to me even when I’m happy.

What would happen is I’m suddenly awake and extremely aware of everything, but I can’t move my body.  Sometimes I can’t open my eyes. But when I can, I still can’t move anything.  I’m still breathing but not heaving either, despite the intense fear and shock I’m feeling. To bring my muscles back into my “possession 😉 ” I start by trying to twitch my fingers and toes.  It would take time until I’m finally able to regain my body.  Honestly, I think the weight that people feel when suffering through sleep paralysis is probably the dead weight of their bodies- since they’re not able to move it.

I don’t know what the phenomenon is behind it but it’s hella scary.  I started sleeping with my mom cause I wanted somebody to be able to shake me out of it  ( even though i’m paralyzed so how can I communicate lol) and tell her exactly what would happen to me.

Some people relate these accounts to demons and jinns, or ghosts- whatever spiritual beings you refer to– I don’t think it’s true.  I’m a religious girl and I personally doubt a jinn would come to me- plus I’m not scared of jinns either.  Besides, not everything has to relate to jinns, people!  Lol they’re probably annoyed that people blame everything on them and they’re like wth I didnt even do anything.

Anyhow I decided to write this if anyone else feels like it.  I know Wikipedia certainly did- that’s where i found out the name of it when I googled my symptoms on it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Angels, I whisper back

Oh angels, I’ve given in

Your guiding whispers were never misguiding

It was me who always chose my own decisions

You were always right, voice of Iman.

I wish it were easier to abide by what you’d say

But you’d only speak once- or I’d only hear you once- for my own distractions and fervor would blur your song away.

Without you, my heart would be dead

and leave no goodness to plan ahead

If only I can take your hand when you lend it

and accept the offer to see what you see

But I guess it’s a matter of a leap of faith

from my own stubborn emotions

to actually make the will to further into your world

of patience and peace

It’s my lack of courage

to escape from my confusion-

afraid to face my very own delusion,

my ego,

my arrogance.

 

So angels, I’ve given in

because all the same- it never made a difference in the pain

except that with you I actually had something to gain!

I’ve come to your doors

to give you my message

that I actually

want to listen this time.

thnx-

 

Footnotes-

http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index.php?page=showfatwa&Option=FatwaId&Id=87539#vot

Iman- Islamic term for faith and belief