Silence and tears

Sometimes you have to cry over the little things that otherwise an “adult” with thick skin might suck in and deal with.

To cry over the lack of understanding on regardless of whether it’s on your part or theirs.  because regardless, there’s a misunderstanding, and regardless, there’s a ripple ,creating movement in still water.

There isn’t much you can do when it comes to the tongue exercising its malice and expressing its inner pain, all expelled onto you.

You just suck it in.  let your heart succumb to the venom.  and let it cycle through your body into tears.  tears to purify you of your pain, tears to create a quiet stream to carry you to a refuge of silence

Silence and tears, they’re such a perfect duo.

avoiding jealous ppl

Note.

I don’t shy away from trouble, but I shy away from jealous hearts.

With trouble, there’s always an opposite side of the coin, but with jealousy, nobody can show them through except themselves.  and I’d rather not rely on ppl to overcome their jealousy.  I’d rather be safe from them.

In trouble, there’s a chance of 70 excuses, forgiveness, or moving on.  whatever happens, you have freedom of choice.

In the heat of jealousy, there’s no protective shade to shelter you from the burning rays.

 

Nightmare II: War Crimes

My worst nightmare is seeing children crying

scared to death

from bombs and the burning toxic galore

of illegal war

destroying souls and more

celebrated by the world’s lovers of gore

as its broadcasted to the masses

that it’s the  water for your planted fears

that you’ve been taught for years

to kill others

who don’t look like you

 

women and children, and men alike

are bloodied and traumatized

dying and hospitalized

wondering when their hospitals

will be attacked too.

 

Palestine, Syria, these arab sisters are victims of war crimes

all under the guise of terrorism

as if creating rivers of blood will drown ISIS

giving in to the lust and playing with chemical attacks

and torturing civilians alive

It will earn the safe western public a medal… for war on terrorism

raping women

kidnapping children

torturing men

an arab genocide

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nightmare 1- Society’s trend

My worst nightmare is being bullied and outcasted

My worst nightmare is becoming homeless, dropped as a beggar

getting locked up

My worst nightmare is getting murdered

Getting in debt

lots of debt, neo-slavery

Having no choice but resorting to theft

having  no morals left but bravery

just as scary, getting raped and knocked up

and after that, getting raped by society, – no justice

while my innocence is surrendered

and that bastard is praised for his gender

given his future, and kissed on his ass

this reality is all worse than murder

because it’s accepted

and takes away lives

in worse ways than murder

a slow death

emotions and humanity snatched

likened to less than an animal

what a nightmare we live in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

if and fate and fear

The word if

We may imagine ourselves making it through
Getting a degree and then making good money
Owning a home and then starting a family
With the happily ever after theme
But there’s one word that holds us back from achieving our dreams
From standing up to the crowd
About what’s right and wrong
Fighting for a better world
With peace and justice
And freedom
What if
I’m laughed at or don’t find love
Or become sick and
I fall into debt
What if I don’t get a job in this degree
Lose my friends
If my spouse turns into an abuser
And takes all my money
If my child becomes sick or I raise her alone
Or I vaccinate her and she gets autism
Lose my house and property, and all support
What if all my hopes come crushing down
To my feet
Begging me to dig myself a grave
Cursing me for being brave
Yet not trying hard enough
To escape fate

as long as you’re alive you can make things meaningful

doesn’t matter how or when just as long as you leave those ifs behind cuz bad things happen and it’s so you can do something about it and become who you Are as cheesy  and escalated as it sounds but die with dignity and with something to be proud of- which is you. Don’t let the bad things devour you to your death.

I cried in Class :(

Salam

Today, I nearly lost it. I couldn’t control my tears. I was in too much pain to handle working in class. Classmates started staring at me as I was cringing, trembling and probably turning red from this female bodily chaos. The stress in getting through my classes, doing all my homework and taking care of my brain all while perioding ( dont want to say the “m” word, it sounds scary and medical) became overbearing.
My day at school just began and I only lasted 5 minutes in ceramics class until I whimpered to my professor if I can come back tomorrow to work on my projects. I whimpered. I didn’t have the energy to stoke up a straight forward Hey I’m not feeling good, I need to leave- Can I come tomorrow. ” I didn’t want to make a scene. Especially since college just started a week ago 😥

For me, my period consists of: Hormones, wanting to throw up, hungry, thirsty, not hungry, not thirsty, hating and loving in the same time, wanting to crap out all the pain, the feeling of knives being jabbed up your vagina, and then lastly the overall  fatigue and insane need for sleep. all whilst the urge to inhale chocolate. It excruciating since my body isn’t able to withstand it all at once. I can’t even sleep through it. I just wait until it’s over. 48 hours. of waiting.

So how can this not result in a few tears dying to escape. Literally dying. I Felt like I needed to die to end it all. I can’t wait till menopause. I’d rather deal with heat flashes any day then the combination of physical and mental hell infused into my body and mind.

I really do wonder how other women are able to conceal this torture. It truly amazes me how they’re able to bare through it and still get work done and maintain a professional face.  I know these period stories are nothing new but it’s something that seriously affects me every month. It affects the way I think and feel every time.

Oh how I wish this society can officially accept women having at least one day off for their periods. I wonder how much more would actually get accomplished by that. Fortunately, men in Islam are commanded to be extra kind and patient with the women in their lives when they go through this pain( AKA Bitch phase). Women are given time off their duties and allowed to snooze and let all go as they vortex into their own uterine world of biological renewal. I’m spoiled. And it’s my god-given right to be!