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How long

For how long will my father be stolen from me

For how long will I be bereaved of my king

For how long will I only retain memory of his kindness, and let my eyes be soaked with sadness

My father, my provider, the most well-meaning being I know

raising me with nothing but hugs and kisses

showing me his love for animals and bird houses

teaching me to speak well, and love.

growing up, I had only tried to care for him

but his mental illness, his simplicity for life had abducted me from security.

I grew up with little integrity and dignity

Hiding from the embarrassment

that my father cannot be seen as normal.

From birth, to even now a past marriage, he is still not mine yet

He’s still away from me.

He’s close in my heart

but these years have me distraught.

22 years, and i’m still struggling to give him the best

to give the best of what any father deserves

which is why it kills me that

the only rest he can really have

is his final one

and nobody else can see that but us.

it is all invisible