For how long will my father be stolen from me
For how long will I be bereaved of my king
For how long will I only retain memory of his kindness, and let my eyes be soaked with sadness
My father, my provider, the most well-meaning being I know
raising me with nothing but hugs and kisses
showing me his love for animals and bird houses
teaching me to speak well, and love.
growing up, I had only tried to care for him
but his mental illness, his simplicity for life had abducted me from security.
I grew up with little integrity and dignity
Hiding from the embarrassment
that my father cannot be seen as normal.
From birth, to even now a past marriage, he is still not mine yet
He’s still away from me.
He’s close in my heart
but these years have me distraught.
22 years, and i’m still struggling to give him the best
to give the best of what any father deserves
which is why it kills me that
the only rest he can really have
is his final one
and nobody else can see that but us.
it is all invisible