Punched in the face by hypocrisy

Bismillahi rahmani rahim

How should I start this.  Amidst the wonderful opportunities of meeting amazing people, I’ve also crossed-paths to discover instances that kinda broke my heart.  Hypocrisy.  My intention isn’t to point out the hypocrisy in others, rather it’s to recollect the sadness that I experience and find a window of sunshine through it.

I’ve been basically a hermit for the past few years ever since coming back from Bayyinah in 2013, and in general the circumstances in my life had left me with very little understanding of people and the outside world.

So all of a sudden since getting back in touch with the community and in general, life itself, I’ve discovered many uniquely spectacular people.  I fell in love with everyone that showed even a little bit of humanity and respect. I also found people I thought were inspiring and like-minded, like I’ve finally found the right crowd of people, -despite me still being the quirky oddball weirdo (my highschool personality still resonates from within) ,

erm so where was I..  yeah so there were some really cool people I met and I kinda looked up at em but then as I spent more time, things weren’t as I thought they’d be. Small uncanny surprises made their way and I actually realized how much I disagreed with these people.

Like a lot.

I thought maybe it’s a culture difference.  but nowadays, most people develop their own versions of culture.  idk yaar i’m just saying that when these people display Islamic practice and then I see some things that aren’t very islamic, more like not islamic, like un-Islamic.

it just kinda hit me.

One of the worst cases was when the Imam-uncle was straight up harrassing me for 4 hours when I told him my marriage was an insult to Islam and that info about my marriage is confidential information.

Like bro that aint how being an “imam” works.. ugh! this is why people hate Islam! he made me hate being born as a girl.  the misogyny and arrogance was fuming out of him.

that’s one of the extreme cases though.

There are lighter cases but I guess in this day and age, these are all nuances.  nobody cares.

I care tho.

eheh that’s why im writing about it.  I know I have my weaknesses, and I accept that when I do bad things, that they’re bad things, and I more than wish for others to not suffer from weaknesses like mine. But when you preach one thing and then show another thing, that’s when it’s messed up.

when you appear as a role model for youngsters, that’s when it’s messed up.

and when you talk a ton, say all these super ilm-y (knowledgey)  things, but then your actual demakh (mind, baal)  appears empty, that’s when it kinda just slightly punches me across the face in astonishment.

like there’s so much talk about taking a right turn, but then why do I see you limping to the left side of the street.

ur just another person to me now, but one who punched me in the face.  with good qualities and bad qualities, but one who punched me in the face.

I’ll pray for you and strive hard to educate others to not be like you, and most importantly, for me to not be like you,  somebody who admired you.

 

Apocalyptic Mind

 

 

Courage, Kindness, Forgiveness
These precious gifts to humanity

Faith, Love, Sacrifice
Have we given these up for vanity?

Humility, Respect, Justice
Has greed contaminated our sanity?

Our eyes see none but ourselves
as giving is really a question of receiving

Bounties and blessings fermented into a toxic wine
searing our hearts into the ash of swine
tongues longer than the serpent’s life
devouring all in it’s dark midnight slither
lest the prey wither away

Now as innocence is the fading wisp of sweet incense
Its a fortune to guard and protect against the
suffocating bellows of tornadoes ablaze
on the land of the free

or so you thought

locked under industrial slave-ships of captain Greed-
these plains which we birth our future unto-
waned,
depleted of their right to reign
with forestry and mothering shelter, freedom,
abundance-
no its been traded
no it’s been stolen for relish
too hyper, too eager to wait to
dance on the throne of one only parish

Hypocrisy in all honesty

Tired of all the hypocrisy
Im happier to be alone
Because when I see the world in front of me
It all seems like doom and gloom
Where are all the good people
That know how to be true
True in their words
And genuine in their smiles
True on others’ worth
And humble in their trials

The world seems to be racing
Despite the universe  simply tracing
Back on their orbits
We spend our time stalking and pacing
Welling up our jealousy
As we silently, cruelly, fight each other to bits
Life has turned into a competition
A time that Darwin could only cry about
But there’s no proof needed anymore
When half of life is drowning in its own blood and dying in misery

aside from all the horror

I do believe there is an opening

a chance to find a haven

instead of being swept by my biased reckoning

because as long as the birds keep chirping

and the clouds keep raining

I do think

I can find the end to

my own meaning