Having read my nightly prayers
I tidy up my covers and tuck in my teddy bears
In a matter of moments I slip into a soft sleep
No dreams this time, just a complete black out
a deep dark down hemisphere of bleakness
where time is but meaningless
My soul whirls around freely
until it’s grabbed by the unknown so fiercely
My senses and wits are slammed in me to bits
I’m awake and I scream hoping it’s a dream
but nay it’s all very real
in my own body’s ordeal
can’t blink or flinch
just think, as I beg my fingers to twitch
I’m not alone, my thoughts are swarming around me
Turning into great weights over my chest
a surreal degree on the sense of touch
Time is a millennium, sucked into 2 black holes of the 2 damned galaxies
in my 2 pupils which fail me
as I’m blind to this horrifying endearment on
making my body lifeless
Overpowering fear befalls through my ears
shrouding the inside of my skull
with the voiceless lull of paralyzing smog
Terminating my claim
to my body’s taming
Turning it into a game
on who gets to own me
as I lie on my bed
awake, alone, and lame
This used to happen to my every now and then a few years ago. Stress doesn’t have much to do with it. Exhaustion, maybe. Because it would happen to me even when I’m happy.
What would happen is I’m suddenly awake and extremely aware of everything, but I can’t move my body. Sometimes I can’t open my eyes. But when I can, I still can’t move anything. I’m still breathing but not heaving either, despite the intense fear and shock I’m feeling. To bring my muscles back into my “possession 😉 ” I start by trying to twitch my fingers and toes. It would take time until I’m finally able to regain my body. Honestly, I think the weight that people feel when suffering through sleep paralysis is probably the dead weight of their bodies- since they’re not able to move it.
I don’t know what the phenomenon is behind it but it’s hella scary. I started sleeping with my mom cause I wanted somebody to be able to shake me out of it ( even though i’m paralyzed so how can I communicate lol) and tell her exactly what would happen to me.
Some people relate these accounts to demons and jinns, or ghosts- whatever spiritual beings you refer to– I don’t think it’s true. I’m a religious girl and I personally doubt a jinn would come to me- plus I’m not scared of jinns either. Besides, not everything has to relate to jinns, people! Lol they’re probably annoyed that people blame everything on them and they’re like wth I didnt even do anything.
Anyhow I decided to write this if anyone else feels like it. I know Wikipedia certainly did- that’s where i found out the name of it when I googled my symptoms on it.
Trapped deep in the dungeons of your mind
You look up at the gaping window of sustenance
In hope that something– somebody will know you are there, alone, and voiceless.
Expecting someone to hold their hand down
Despite you knowing this is no fairy tale
There isn’t a magical prince to save the damsel in regress of her own distress.
Deep amidst your thoughts of anxiety
Suddenly a suffocating steam erupts, rising above your ankles
Fear strikes your heart
The prickling heat is climbing up your body
The pulse hits your heart again
This utter fear, it’s as if a shard of glass has been removed from your eyes
your blurred vision clears for a split second of another sharp pulse
you see a rusty chair sitting near
The touch of turmoil having reached your chest
You scramble to the chair in desperation
through the steam of despair
As you climb out the window
Realizing the sustenance was in you from the beginning.