my nose is caught high on a hook

The pain of thought would have diminished as the excess scent of incense blows away,   leaving the gentle aroma behind.
Instead, I have now tainted my feet and must allow it to heal, as well as to let my hardened tongue to soften and stop oozing the puss of angst and pride.
my nose is caught high on a hook, I’m a display of arrogance and humiliation.
I’ve exhausted my soul of proper recompense, I can only move on to tell myself the tall tale of my belligerence.
Complaining leads to further damnation

It’s when the thorns outgrow and envelope the rose of patience and light.
Taking away the sweet fragrance of forbearance and experience, further expelling the ungrown seeds of wisdom.
Had I been patient and silent, I wouldnt have burned my feet on a road of hot black asphalt, only to find a thorny dead end.
Sometimes, we take our privilege to such an extent that it destroys us.
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Twas the demons in my head.

Sleep Paralysis

 

Having read my nightly prayers

I tidy up my covers and tuck in my teddy bears

In a matter of moments I slip into a soft sleep

No dreams this time, just a complete black out

a deep dark down hemisphere of bleakness

where time is but meaningless

My soul whirls around freely

until it’s grabbed by the unknown so fiercely

My senses and wits are slammed in me to bits

I’m awake and I scream hoping it’s a dream

but nay it’s all very real

in my own body’s ordeal

can’t blink or flinch

just think, as I beg my fingers to twitch

I’m not alone, my thoughts are swarming around me

Turning into great weights over my chest

a surreal degree on the sense of touch

Time is a millennium, sucked into 2  black holes of the 2 damned galaxies

in my  2 pupils which fail me

as I’m blind to this horrifying endearment on

making my body lifeless

Overpowering fear befalls through my ears

shrouding the inside of my skull

with the voiceless lull of paralyzing smog

Terminating my claim

to my body’s taming

Turning it into a game

on who gets to own me

as I lie on my bed

awake, alone, and lame

 

 

This used to happen to my every now and then a few years ago.  Stress doesn’t have much to do with it. Exhaustion, maybe.  Because it would happen to me even when I’m happy.

What would happen is I’m suddenly awake and extremely aware of everything, but I can’t move my body.  Sometimes I can’t open my eyes. But when I can, I still can’t move anything.  I’m still breathing but not heaving either, despite the intense fear and shock I’m feeling. To bring my muscles back into my “possession 😉 ” I start by trying to twitch my fingers and toes.  It would take time until I’m finally able to regain my body.  Honestly, I think the weight that people feel when suffering through sleep paralysis is probably the dead weight of their bodies- since they’re not able to move it.

I don’t know what the phenomenon is behind it but it’s hella scary.  I started sleeping with my mom cause I wanted somebody to be able to shake me out of it  ( even though i’m paralyzed so how can I communicate lol) and tell her exactly what would happen to me.

Some people relate these accounts to demons and jinns, or ghosts- whatever spiritual beings you refer to– I don’t think it’s true.  I’m a religious girl and I personally doubt a jinn would come to me- plus I’m not scared of jinns either.  Besides, not everything has to relate to jinns, people!  Lol they’re probably annoyed that people blame everything on them and they’re like wth I didnt even do anything.

Anyhow I decided to write this if anyone else feels like it.  I know Wikipedia certainly did- that’s where i found out the name of it when I googled my symptoms on it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your hidden savior

Trapped deep in the dungeons of your mind
You look up at the gaping window of sustenance
In hope that something– somebody will know you are there, alone, and voiceless.
Expecting someone to hold their hand down
Despite you knowing this is no fairy tale
There isn’t a magical prince to save the damsel in regress of her own distress.

Deep amidst your thoughts of anxiety
Suddenly a suffocating steam erupts,  rising above your ankles
Fear strikes your heart
The prickling heat is climbing up your body
Fear
The pulse hits your heart again

This utter fear, it’s as if a shard of glass has been removed from your eyes
your blurred vision clears for a split second of another sharp pulse
you see a rusty chair sitting near
The touch of turmoil having reached your chest
You scramble to the chair in desperation

through the steam of despair
Escaping death
As you climb out the window
Realizing the sustenance was in you from the beginning.