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Self-Approval

when will she break open and be free
where her only fear is to not sail the seven seas
how dull and frail she is right now not showing any dignity

stick to your morals I say!
there’s nothing to lose

but nay
she only sways away

I don’t know how to practice those morals
what if I do wrong when I intend right
what if I fail and ..

—And what if you don’t??
there’s no fright I say !
do wrong ! be wronged ! there’s victory in every way

stop your self-menace, allow yourself to accept ur soul

you are you and stuck with it all
so embrace yourself and treat it like a child
care for it like you care for your own
because you yourself
are your own

but by being ur own you’ve earned me and him and her and them
you have friends from being urself
isn’t that enough proof that you can be free and strong?

Go. Leave. break away from your protective armor that blocks ur very sight and oxygen.

let your self live and feel the earth through your fingers. you have nothing to lose but urself from this world

I cried in Class :(

Salam

Today, I nearly lost it. I couldn’t control my tears. I was in too much pain to handle working in class. Classmates started staring at me as I was cringing, trembling and probably turning red from this female bodily chaos. The stress in getting through my classes, doing all my homework and taking care of my brain all while perioding ( dont want to say the “m” word, it sounds scary and medical) became overbearing.
My day at school just began and I only lasted 5 minutes in ceramics class until I whimpered to my professor if I can come back tomorrow to work on my projects. I whimpered. I didn’t have the energy to stoke up a straight forward Hey I’m not feeling good, I need to leave- Can I come tomorrow. ” I didn’t want to make a scene. Especially since college just started a week ago 😥

For me, my period consists of: Hormones, wanting to throw up, hungry, thirsty, not hungry, not thirsty, hating and loving in the same time, wanting to crap out all the pain, the feeling of knives being jabbed up your vagina, and then lastly the overall  fatigue and insane need for sleep. all whilst the urge to inhale chocolate. It excruciating since my body isn’t able to withstand it all at once. I can’t even sleep through it. I just wait until it’s over. 48 hours. of waiting.

So how can this not result in a few tears dying to escape. Literally dying. I Felt like I needed to die to end it all. I can’t wait till menopause. I’d rather deal with heat flashes any day then the combination of physical and mental hell infused into my body and mind.

I really do wonder how other women are able to conceal this torture. It truly amazes me how they’re able to bare through it and still get work done and maintain a professional face.  I know these period stories are nothing new but it’s something that seriously affects me every month. It affects the way I think and feel every time.

Oh how I wish this society can officially accept women having at least one day off for their periods. I wonder how much more would actually get accomplished by that. Fortunately, men in Islam are commanded to be extra kind and patient with the women in their lives when they go through this pain( AKA Bitch phase). Women are given time off their duties and allowed to snooze and let all go as they vortex into their own uterine world of biological renewal. I’m spoiled. And it’s my god-given right to be!